


A Great and Terrible Thing

by AniseNalci



Category: W.I.T.C.H.
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2014-01-24
Packaged: 2018-04-30 15:27:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 23,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5168912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AniseNalci/pseuds/AniseNalci
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cartoon-verse. 'He did not know then that falling in love could grant such great, exquisite happiness, nor that it could also lead to such terrible, bitter pain.' Or, how Julian never knew that his love for one woman would change his life forever. The story of Julian's life from meeting a woman he loved, to raising their child, and the end of it all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before

_Journeys end in lovers meeting,  
_ _Every wise man's son doth know._

\- William Shakespeare,  _Twelfth Night_

* * *

He was a child when he first met the Mage. She was already a grown woman by then. He only saw her from afar; her beauty then was such that it was capable of stopping a man in his steps. Her hair was platinum blond, and her eyes were the colour of the palest jadeite green.

She approached his home. "Is your father around?" she asked him, in a cold and rather detached voice.

"I'll get him." It was business, as usual. She needed some information and the family profited greatly from it.

She was so aloof, and Julian decided then that more important than being beautiful, his future wife had to be able to  _feel_  emotions. Although, he admitted, it would be nice if she had some measure of wit and intelligence.

That would not be the last time they crossed paths.

* * *

He was not much older (and therefore barely grown-up enough) when he began hearing the rumours about the new Guardians of Kandrakar. This time, all were from Earth save one. He saw them, when the newlywed Queen of Meridian and her consort officially presented them to the people.

The guardians were all not quite what he would have expected; he heard whispers that one of them – the Guardian of Air – was engaged to be married soon. She was 16, and the eldest of them all. The Guardian of Water was the youngest at 13, just a few months younger than the Guardian of Quintessence. They were all very beautiful, in very different ways to each other, and their beauty was also very different from that of the Mage's, who stood near them, as a disciple of magic.

All of a sudden, he felt eyes burning on him, and switched his gaze from the Mage to that of the Guardian of Quintessence. Her forest green eyes (so very strange and beautiful, and visible even from this distance!) seemed to sear his soul. He had already heard rumours about her; she was prone to fits of emotion, stubborn and outspoken. She was fiercely intelligent. She had  _ideas_  (this was often whispered in a tone belying the speaker's disapproval).

At this point in time, he thought that she was as much trouble as she was beautiful.

* * *

The years passed. He was no longer an adolescent but a man in the prime of his youth. Several girls made eyes at him but between his ailing family (his parents were ill, and the family finances were in dire straits) and his dream to serve Meridian, he purposefully chose not to marry. After all, his parents needed him, and even if they didn't, he would use his finances to sponsor himself in the Meridian army. After all, monsters freely roamed the outskirts, even if the realm itself was a peaceful one.

It was left unspoken that he has not yet met a woman he could love.

He heard that the Guardian of Air had given birth, and that was among one of the reasons why the Guardians were not around in Meridian as much. It led him to wonder whether any of the other guardians were also married, and he did not know why he should care if they were or not.

It did not mean anything to him, after all.

* * *

"They say that the Guardian of Quintessence is greedy for more power," his friend Vathek said. Now, as he passed his thirtieth year, Julian did not notice the age difference between the both of them as much as he used to. As children, Vathek would have been an annoying pest, but now he was a valuable friend. In fact, Vathek was now one of his closest friends, the both of them having bonded together over their unmarried status. By now, all of the friends Julian had who were the same age as he was had settled down and started families of their own.

A small part of him regretted not having married earlier, but he would rather not have married a woman he could not love and respect. He had seen couples who have married out of a desire to start a family despite there being no love or respect whose relationships deteriorated to the point where everyone was angry and full of suffering, and he was determined not to fall into that trap.

"What do you say about that then, Julian? Surely you must have an opinion," Vathek prodded him, and he was awakened from his reverie.

"About the guardians? I do not know much of the politics, and would rather not share the extent of my ignorance, thank you very much."

"Come now, Julian. You are now one of the best recruits of the Meridian army," Vathek needled him. A pang of pain shot through him; his parents' death had not been too long ago. They both died within a month of each other; it was as if neither wished to live without the other.

If he were asked, he would deny it vehemently, but deep inside, a part of him wishes that he could find a love like that. One so strong, that it would last a million lifetimes.

Vathek must have realized his mistake, because his expression changed. "I'm sorry Julian. I should not have reminded you."

Julian shook his head. "What are you talking about? Don't be silly, Vathek. Anyway, I do not play politics. It may be necessary in court, where there is often intrigue and scheming, but that is why I prefer being in the training grounds; here, unless you wish to be a dishonourable opponent, all it takes is skill and strategy. You win on your own merits."

Vathek was silent. "They say that the Guardian of Quintessence may be removed from the group if she continues her path. She cannot be the sole deciding factor, and if she forgets about teamwork, unity and harmony, the Guardian of Air will replace her as the Heart of Kandrakar." When Julian did not answer, Vathek continued, lowering his voice to a frantic whisper:

"Do you know what this means, Julian? They say our days of peace in Meridian may come to an end, especially if the Guardian of Quintessence decides to attack Meridian in revenge."

* * *

It came to pass as Vathek said. Nerissa, the Guardian of Quintessence was stripped of her position as the bearer of the Heart of Kandrakar, and Cassidy, the Guardian of Water, was made to bear the Heart of Kandrakar. Nerissa, enraged and humiliated, sought to regain the Heart, and in the ensuing battle, Cassidy was killed. In the meantime, the monsters of Meridian grew more numerous, and Julian – together with the rest of his comrades – was more frequently dispatched to dispel them. Even after Nerissa had been neutralized as a threat, the monsters did not go away; she had swayed them so that their sense of entitlement was greater than ever, and so Julian very rarely found himself at home. Nor did he have any opportunity to speak to many people, other than his fellow soldiers. He had not seen to anyone outside of the Army and the Queen's Consort, much less a woman, in months, now that he had made a name for himself.

He saw Nerissa once, after she was captured and before she was imprisoned away in Mount Thanos, when he was there to report to the Queen's Consort. He had been surprised; why would she be in the Meridian court? It was then that he saw the Council of Kandrakar and understood; the Council was convening, and must have sought the opinion of the Queen, who was also the Heart of Meridian. The Queen looked formidable, but her presence was nothing compared to the inferno that seemed to rage from the Guardian of Quintessence. At that moment, he had never seen such a great but terrible beauty contained within a person.

The Mage stood nearby, and she was as expressionless and distant as he'd always seen her. Even as Nerissa's friend – one of her closest aside from the other Guardians, everyone in the Court knew – was condemned, the Mage's face showed not a flicker of emotion.

 _What a heartless creature_ , he thought, as he stared at the scene unfolding before him. The Mage opened a portal with her ring, and Nerissa was dragged by her hair towards the portal. Only a fool would have thought she moved willingly towards the portal, but he caught her eyes, and saw reflected in them not only anger, but also suffering, guilt, and self-loathing, much to his surprise.

It seemed like an eternity that their eyes were locked on each other's, but she looked away first. He could feel a flush over his cheeks as he looked away, mildly registering that he felt embarrassed, although at this point, he couldn't quite figure out why.

The Mage never looked at him, as she entered the portal after Nerissa, and it sealed shut.

* * *

"Do you think that the Mage will succeed?" Vathek asked him one day, not long after the day he saw Nerissa and the Mage. The soldiers where practising drills, and the two had stopped for a break,

"In what, Vathek?" Julian wiped his brow, before turning to look at his friend. "What has the Mage planned for now?"

"They say she plans to 'reason' with the Council of Kandrakar," Vathek said. "She believes Nerissa can still yet be saved. Although, if you ask me, Nerissa should never have been allowed to be a guardian. They should have stripped her of her powers."

"Is that even possible?" Julian asked, as he took a big gulp of water from his leather skin, before wiping his mouth. "But then again, why choose her to begin with?"

Vathek shrugged, and Julian shook his head. "One of these days, you'll tell me how you know so much about the Guardians and the Council of Kandrakar, Vathek."

Vathek snorted. "I'm only repeating what is common knowledge, Julian. The Queen of Meridian and her Consort are adamant that their reign is a transparent and accountable one; surely even _you_  must know that."

"Of course I do! Any fool could see that the Queen and her Consort have only the best interests of Meridian at heart, and it is a testament to their reign that everyone is content and at peace."

"Except Nerissa, I believe. She'll be exiled to Mount Thanos, and I don't think the Mage can do a single darned thing about it."

"She made her bed, and now she must lie in it," Julian said, his voice hollow.

"Pity," Vathek said. "There are some who say that her ideas are progressive and that once implemented, Meridian would be more prosperous than ever. They say she just went the wrong way about it."

A wan smile spread over Julian's face. "You know as well as I do, Vathek, that the road to hell is paved with good intentions."

* * *

Julian smiled as he witnessed Vathek's wedding ceremony. His comrade at arms was now a married man. He supposed that he should have seen it coming; after all, everyone else had married and settled down already, why should Vathek have been an exception?

Perhaps he was hoping that both of them would have been bachelor friends for the rest of their lives. At this age, Vathek was much older than the average groom at marriage, but Julian supposed he did not care. Julian wondered to himself whether he would, if he found the right woman. He himself had already resigned himself to leading the life of a confirmed bachelor. He was past the flush of youth, and the unmarried maidens of Meridian were all too young for him now; he was in his mid-thirties, and if he had married when all the others had, he might have had children close to adulthood by now, like Yan Lin, the former Guardian of Air, did.

He did not have many dealings with the Guardians in general. Aside from the times he held Nerissa's gaze, he had only seen them from afar during the Queen's speeches and presentations to the people. He was too low in rank to ever speak to them directly. However, since the disbandment of the Guardians of Kandrakar, he found Yan Lin present many times with the Queen, and since he had begun answering directly to the Queen, he came into contact many times with her. He could not help eavesdropping on the two women, even if their conversations revolved mainly around their children. While the Queen was trying to manage her only son, the very difficult and spoilt Prince Phobos, Yan Lin's son apparently was deeply in love with a Chinese-American girl, who was barely fluent in Mandarin. This bothered her, from what he could tell, but he soon learnt that the fact that Kadma and Halinor had decided to relinquish their duty as Guardians and their forced disbanding of the current generation of Guardians weighed heavier in Yan Lin's mind. Yan Lin was the only one left, and was reluctant to become a Quinto-Guardian, so she too lost the increased power the Aurameres granted the Guardians of Kandrakar.

"No one should be forced to wield that much power. Too much power can cause one to lose themselves, if not their mind," Julian overheard Yan Lin remarking once to the Queen, when the Queen asked her one day why she desisted in becoming a Quinto-Guardian. "Besides, it would not be the same. I have lost all my friends already, at any rate," her voice cracked at the end.

There was a slight pause, before Yan Lin said, "Your Majesty, I believe that this is the last time I shall visit Meridian for many years. Though the Council is hesitant, I need to search for the next generation of Guardians, and mentor them. It is likely that this time, all shall be from Earth. Of course, if one of them turns out to be from Meridian or the other Dimensions..." she trailed off. "Unfortunately I do not have as much magic as I used to as a Guardian. I can feel my power draining away; I can see myself aging faster than I should..."

The Queen, resplendent in beauty and compassion, nodded. "I understand you well, Yan Lin. Thank you. You are one of the wisest people I know, and one of the few I could trust. If not for you, the Council may have forcefully destroyed the cycle of Guardians, and thus sealed off the different Dimensions forever. We would all be doomed to our fate, without any external assistance, and many beautiful friendships may never have come to pass."

"It was perhaps selfish of me," Yan Lin remarked. "I cannot bear losing the few friends and loved ones I have left; that is the chink in my armour, that is my weakness. Nor can I imagine a life without having seen other beautiful worlds apart from Earth..."

"One day, Yan Lin, we will all be at peace. I am sure you will see it in your lifetime."

"No, Your Majesty," Yan Lin replied, her voice hollow and tinged with sadness. "Meridian and the other Dimensions may be at peace, and perhaps our souls will heal with time. Perhaps our brightly-coloured memories will fade, but their impression never will. I can never remember what we lost, and every time it is dredged up from the past, even though the pain has dulled somewhat, the mere memory is enough to send a pang of pain coursing through..." A pregnant pause ensued. "Perhaps it is for the best I say goodbye for now. The soul must heal, and though it may scar..."

She looked up suddenly, and Julian hid and crouched further behind. He did not think she saw him, but then again, the Guardians often had mysterious powers in addition to the Elemental ones bestowed upon them.

The conversation between the former Guardian of Air and the Queen was to replay many times in his head, and each time, a memory of forest green eyes blazing with barely suppressed anger and fury would appear. His sleep grew troubled and though he did not have any magical powers, and was far from being a prophet, his instinct nevertheless told him that this would be the beginning of the end of peace in Meridian.

* * *

"So they must be very worried about the Mage, if they are sending out search parties for her," Vathek remarked to him one day. "Do you think anything bad could have befallen her? She is the Mage, after all, one of the most powerful magical beings in any Dimension."

"Unless somehow the former Guardian of Quintessence managed to escape, I don't see how anything bad could have befallen her," Julian replied, as he packed up supplies.

"True," Vathek agreed. "Prince Phobos is still too young to act out his psychopathic tendencies."

"Vathek!" Julian remonstrated, but Vathek ignored him and continued.

"Much as I admire the Queen and her Consort, they do nothing to curb his behaviour. Children need discipline, not leeway to do as they please. Mark my words, Julian, if his behaviour goes unchecked, when he takes the throne he will be the cruellest ruler Meridian has ever seen. I would not be surprised if he has taken to ordering the monsters on the outskirts to destroy villages and cause chaos."

"It is understandable, I think, the reason they are willing to give in to his demands, Vathek. The Queen and her Consort have always wanted a large family, but the Queen has had so many miscarriages, and Phobos is the only one who has survived; they  _would_  cherish him more than anything else in Meridian."

"There is a difference between cherishing and spoiling a child, Julian."

"You would be a stern father, I suppose, Vathek."

"As would you, because you understand the concept of boundaries. Speaking of which, Julian, I believe that, after this mission, I may retire from the army, settle down, go back to weapon-making in the village, maybe have a child... Oh, don't stare at me like that!" (Julian had not realized he was staring.) "I am past the age that most men start having children, but that doesn't mean that I do not want one. My wife, she wants a big family, and truth be told, so do I."

"I see," was Julian's only reply.

A pause ensued. "You can still settle down and marry, Julian. Many women would still have you, if you gave them a chance. I won't ask why you never did before; there is no point. But Julian, it's not too late; you can marry, our children can grow up together."

Julian's wry smile was an answer in itself, but he deigned to give a verbal reply. "I don't think I could marry a girl young enough that I would be closer to her father's age than her, Vathek. Furthermore, I don't think I can marry a girl so young and innocent, when I am so much older and more world-weary."

Vathek did not respond to that statement. Instead, he continued packing his supplies, and so did Julian, who also tried not to dwell on the fact that there was an ache inside of him when speaking of families and children which, although it was not quite regret, was a feeling very close to that.

* * *

They had been on the road for a week on the outskirts of Meridian, and Julian had this distinct feeling that he was being watched. All they had come across, however, were great and terrible monsters. Some of the men in his search party had been wounded in the multiple times they had been attacked, but luckily no major injuries had been sustained.

An insidious voice inside of him, cynical and untrusting, whispered otherwise.  _Was it really luck? Or is someone toying with us? Or watching over us? But who?_

Who indeed? That was a question he could not answer. As leader of this particular search party, he had a duty to complete his mission and towards his men, but his curiosity could not –  _would_ not – be abated. He decided to confer with Vathek.

"You too!" Vathek cried, almost accusingly, when Julian spoke to him. "I thought it was just me, but if you felt it too, perhaps..."

"No, I don't think the others have. Have you been jumpy as well?" (It was a rhetorical question, for Julian was an astute observer) "We two have been anxious and edgy, as veteran soldiers, so we were able to sense something was not quite right, but the new recruits seem bored and as well-rested as ever; I doubt that they would have, or they would have come to me immediately in fear, or perhaps with high ambitions, hoping to rise through the ranks."

"You're right, Julian. Our experience has perhaps sensitized us to hostile or other magical forces, and there's no need to worry the rest of the men. If they are afraid, they may come to us, although perhaps we should question them on how they are feeling so that we are sure we are the only ones."

"Subtle, informal interrogation is in order, I suppose."

It was as they expected, however; no one else in the party had experienced any feeling other than severe boredom, unless they were battling the increasingly vicious monsters, which was when they experienced severe fear.

This ought to have reassured him that at least his men were all right, but instead he was even more worried. What enemy would be so discreet as to be detectable only by two senior and greatly experienced members of the army?

* * *

"Do you still feel as if you're being watched?" Vathek asked him one day. It was nearly a month since they had been roaming the eastern outskirts of Meridian, and although they had come across many monsters, there was still no sign of the Mage. Their supplies were running low, and Julian knew that they had to return soon enough to the nearest settlement (which right now was a good three days' travel away – without rest).

"Yes," Julian answered testily. If only the Mage would turn up and  _one_  of the search parties –  _any one!_  – would bring her back to the Palace, then this mission would be over.

Vathek pursed his lips, hesitating on what he would say next, before deciding to blurt it all out. "But I don't feel that I'm being watched anymore."

Julian could not help feeling the blood draining from his face, not the light-headedness that threatened his knees to buckle. "What?" It was supposed to be strong and forceful, but instead it came out as a fearful whisper.

"I don't know what this means, Julian, but I don't like this. Whoever is doing this... we don't know what we're dealing with, or their motives. Unless they have something against you..." Vathek narrowed his eyes at him. "Which makes entirely no sense whatsoever."

Julian could not say anything for a few moments, but seeing Vathek looking at him expectantly, he forced a smile. "Vathek, whatever happens, you're second in command. We'll leave soon enough."

Vathek did not seem to be too convinced by his words, but he nodded. Julian let out his breath, which he did not know he was holding, and began to formulate the plan.

* * *

What did he know about what was going on?

Firstly: This was a mission to find the mage. On this mission, he felt as though he had constantly been watched. Were the two related?

Secondly: Whoever –  _whatever_  – was watching him did not mean him any harm. Leastways, if they – it? – did, they would have acted immediately.

(The alternative – which Julian did not want to think of – was that he was only useful if he was  _alive_.)

Thirdly: Whoever was watching was very careful, trying to ensure that no one detected their presence.

Julian suspected that the only way that he would get answers was to do some sleuthing of his own.

* * *

A few nights later, the camp decided to make its way back to the nearest settlement, and was literally on greener pastures, far from the worst of the monsters. By this time, Julian's curiosity had reached its zenith, and he orchestrated some changes which would allow him to investigate. Night fell, and Julian had switched with the night guard so that he would be on duty. There was one other soldier standing guard over camp, so it would be easy to slip away. Quietly, he waited for a distraction.

There was a howl at a distance. "I'll go investigate," Julian said. "You stay here and alert the others if there's a threat."

"Is it wise to go by yourself, sir?" The younger soldier asked hesitantly, and fear was evident from the tone of his voice.

Julian smiled wanly at the younger recruit. "I don't know, soldier, but it's for the better."

* * *

Perhaps he had not thought this through enough, Julian thought to himself. He was all alone at night time, and far from the camp. In fact, he was nearer to Megenzjan Falls than to the camp.

As a child, he had heard of Megenzjan Falls. He had come here, once or twice during more peaceful times, but he had not been here since he was a child, and he had certainly never seen it during night time. It was a beautiful place, with the waterfall which gave way to a beautiful, clear lake, and well-tended shrubbery and other vegetation. There were plenty of tall deciduous trees, which cast ominous shadows on the ground at night, but somehow Julian did not feel frightened. The moon shone brightly, and seemed so much closer to the land now. He could sit down here, meditate, and dream of a better future...

It was so tempting, but not feasible. He had responsibilities, duties; he was no longer a green youth right out of adolescence. He was an adult...

There was a rustle of leaves, and suddenly birds of prey flew away from the vegetation nearby. A thump was heard. His hand flew to his sword, which was in his scabbard that was fastened around his waist. Quietly, like a cat, he noiselessly made his way towards the origin of that sound, and to his everlasting surprise, he saw the Mage lying on the ground, unconscious, but in all of her finery.

* * *

 _I met a lady in the meads,_  
_Full beautiful – a faery's child,_  
_Her hair was long, her foot was light,  
_ _And her eyes were wild.  
_ \- John Keats,  _La Belle Dame sans Merci_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I watched W.I.T.C.H. as a teenager, and now I'm way too old to be writing fanfic about it, but I had a Season 2 marathon (seeing as I never watched it until last week), and now I need to get this out of the way to get out my feels and for me to iron out some inconsistencies. If you have any questions about it, do drop me a line, although bear in mind it's my interpretation of cartoon-verse pre-canon.
> 
> Point of reference: Hay Lin is 13, Caleb is 15-16 at start of series (if I'm not mistaken)
> 
> Yan Lin – 16 at guardian, 20 or younger at son's birth, 40 at Caleb's birth, 43 at Hay Lin's birth, now 56
> 
> Nerissa (3 years younger than Yan Lin) – 13 at guardian, 37 at Caleb's birth, now 53. As for why I made her eyes green: because cartoon-verse Nerissa has green eyes, unlike comic-verse Nerissa. Also, Caleb has green eyes too in cartoon-verse. And now, let us have the Harry Potter references...
> 
> King and Queen – 16 at marriage, 28 at Prince Phobos' birth, 43, Elyon's birth, 44 Hay Lin's birth, dead at 56
> 
> Original Mage – she is young (possibly in her 20s) in the flashback for S1E11 in the Stone of Threbe, and to make this make sense, I made the flashback events roughly 50 years ago (which is long ago). The child in the flashback is called the heir to the throne then and has the same name as Elyon's birth mother (as revealed in S2E1), so this makes sense. I simply followed the W.I.T.C.H. wiki for Yan Lin's age (16 years old when she became guardian 40 years ago) and used my imagination for the rest. The Mage would therefore be about 10 years older than C.H.Y.K.N, and therefore still young enough to not have raised too much suspicion when she had a child in her late 40s (assuming that menopause occurs around the same time for Meridian females as they do for human females – and it's possible but really pushing it).
> 
> I spend too much time on this, as you can see.
> 
> There is a real saying: the road to hell is paved with good intentions – it is not mine. Yan Lin's statement about the chink in her armour is a subtle reference to Nerissa's speeches in Season 2 which she gives when she gains control over the other former Guardians.
> 
> I also could not resist inserting a part of John Keats' La Belle Dame sans Merci in this story, and Shakespeare as well.
> 
> Reviews would be lovely. This story is complete and in 5 parts (including epilogue). I'm currently editing the other chapters.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	2. Meeting

After he saw the Mage, everything else seemed like a daze to him. He remembered picking her up, hooking her arms around his neck, which his hands supported the small of her back and under her knees; very much like a bride would have been picked up by her husband, in retrospect. He remembered making his way back to camp. Dawn was just beginning to appear over the horizon by the time he got back, and that fool of a younger recruit had fallen asleep at his post. Julian made a mental note to punish the boy for his irresponsibility later, but secretly gave thanks that the camp had otherwise made it through the night without any monster attacks.

The whole camp was thrown into disarray when they saw that Julian had found the Mage. They were abuzz with many questions, and agog with insatiable curiosity. Thankfully, Vathek managed to take control of the situation.

"The Mage is unconscious, even if she's alive. We ought to let her get some rest, and I'm sure any questions we have can be answered once she's awake. We need to find resting quarters for her; set up extra tents if necessary –"

"But sir, we don't have any extra tents or supplies. We had to trade them for medicine back when our soldiers were injured!" A young recruit interrupted.

Vathek narrowed his eyes. "And where do you suppose the Mage should sleep then? Perhaps you would like to volunteer your tent, as you were impertinent enough to interrupt me?"

"Don't be silly, Vathek, she'll stay at my tent. It's more comfortable anyway, and I'm perfectly fine sleeping on the ground. This way she has more security anyway, and we'd be better able to tell whether she's awake or not."

Vathek raised an eyebrow. "And where will  _you_  sleep, Julian? Or the ground  _inside_ your tent, or outside?"

"Inside, of course," Julian snorted. "At least while she's asleep; someone has to keep an eye on the Mage. When she's fully conscious, I'll sleep outside. Summon the doctor; tell him we need him to look at the Mage."

Vathek nodded, but Julian noticed that his frown did not go away.  _Why was Vathek worried?_  He wondered, but made sure to ask him later.

* * *

He laid her on the bed in his tent. She looked so peaceful, as if she was only sleeping. She must have been exhausted; how long had she lain near Megenzjan Falls?

He stood vigil over her as they managed to summon the camp's doctor. "Whatever ails her must be magical," the doctor had said, as he inspected her while Julian and Vathek observed. "All we can do is wait and hope that she recovers."

He nodded. "I don't suppose we can move camp until she has awakened?"

"We can, but it might be easier on everyone if we stayed until she awoke."

"So we basically are sitting ducks? And what about supplies?" Vathek exclaimed. "We don't know when she'll awaken, and we barely have enough supplies as it is!"

"That  _is_ true," Julian agreed. "Would it make more sense if we split into half? One half of the camp goes towards the village for supplies and to announce that we have the Mage, while the other half waits for the Mage to awaken?"

Vathek looked conflicted. "But... Julian..."

"We need to. We have a duty to our men, but we must also complete the mission we have been tasked with successfully." Julian clapped a hand over Vathek's shoulder. "My friend, you are the only one I'd trust with leading our men towards the settlements. We rely on you to bring the King and Queen news of our successful mission."

Vathek's face showed a multitude of emotions, and he could only nod. "I will leave in two hours. We will be back as speedily as possible. We'll leave the injured behind, but I'll try and leave some of the hale and strong-armed ones with you to help protect the camp. We'll leave most of the rations here; you'll need it more than we do, and anyway, it'll slow us down too much and the lack of provisions will give the men an incentive to reach our destination as soon as possible." He paused, as if he wanted to say something, but it seemed that he changed his mind at the last minute, as he shook his head and gave a weak smile. "Take care, my friend." He glanced over at the sleeping Mage. "I hope that all will be well," he said, as he left the tent, presumably to order half of the men to pack up and leave for the village.

The doctor suggested that Julian continue to hold vigil over the sleeping Mage. "Some of the men still need me to tend to their wounds, sir. It would be a great help if you could observe the Mage, and see if you can ascertain anything else of importance regarding her condition. It seems like she has only suffered from exhaustion arising from a magical cause, but you can never tell with magic."

Julian nodded and sat by the bed, staring at the ashen-faced and sleeping Mage. He could not shake the feeling that something was not quite right with the Mage, but of course it wouldn't have been. She was drained, exhausted. He felt impatient for answers ( _Where had she been? Why had she disappeared? Why was she exhausted? Why was she at Megenzjan Falls?_ ), but he could only wait for her to awaken.

His eyelids grew heavier and heavier, until there was a point where he could barely keep them open. Perhaps it would be all right if he closed his eyes for a minute, or maybe five, or maybe even a bit longer than...

* * *

A voice.

It was a feminine voice. What was a woman doing in an all-male camp? It wasn't as if the Mage would... but of course! He'd nearly forgotten that the Mage was in the camp – and he was the one who had found her! He lifted and shook his head, clearing the cobwebs in his mind, fully awake now, and looked down at the bed.

The Mage was shifting in the bed, her forehead furrowed with... was it concentration? Fear? She was perspiring profusely, even though it was a rather cold day today. He wasn't sure what to do, but on instinct, he pressed the dorsal surface of his palm to her forehead, just to check for a fever. She wasn't running a temperature, from what he could tell. He was about to rise and look for the doctor, when she began mumbling something.

He didn't know what possessed him; in truth, it all felt like some out-of-body experience, but he found himself grasping both of her hands with his and strained to hear what she was saying. It seemed in the beginning that she was muttering jibberish, and then she was saying softly, "No, you need to... I have to... There's something bigger than us... I need to make this all right... Why can't anyone else see  _reason_!"

Her back arched, and the furrows over her eyebrow group deeper, as she turned towards him and then crouched into the fetal position. She squeezed his hands tightly, and grimaced as if she were great and unimaginable pain.

All of her sudden her eyes shot open, and he saw them, pale jade orbs flickering with surprise. She jolted upright into a sitting position, looking stunned and fearful, and breathing heavily, as if she'd run through the Meridian Plains without rest, although throughout it all, she never let go of his hands.

She finally regained her orientation, though she was still quite breathless as she asked him, "Where... am I?" Her platinum blonde hair, was in disarray from sleeping, but it registered right there and then to Julian that he'd never seen her more beautiful than she was in that moment; in spite of her mussed clothing and untidy hair, there was more emotion in her face than he'd ever seen before, even more than...

The image of Nerissa burned through his mind. Nerissa appeared before him, angry and defiant, as she was led away from Meridian through the portal towards her permanent prison. He chose not to question why his mind decided to conjure an image of Nerissa at that moment. He shook his head.

"You're in an army camp. We've been searching for you for months. Are you all right?"

"Yes... Wait, an army camp?" The Mage seemed more fearful than ever. "What are you going to do to me?" She stuttered, obviously frightened.

"Why, escort you to the Palace, of course! The King and Queen would like to meet you and ascertain whether you are all right! They were worried that your efforts to rehabilitate Nerissa might have gone... awry, Mage," he finally said the last word, after failing to find a more suitable adjective to use.

"Rehabilitate Nerissa? Mage?" Confusion was etched upon her features, and then all of a sudden, she seemed to come to a realization. "Of yes, of course. I  _am_ the Mage." She flipped her hair to the side and stared at the platinum blonde locks she was twirling around her finger. "I  _am_ the Mage." Turning to Julian, she fixed her pale jadeite eyes on him. "How long have I been away?"

"Do you not remember, Mage?" His voice had taken on an unusual gentleness. Perhaps it was a masculine instinct, but although he knew that the Mage was one of the most powerful beings in Meridian, he could not fight the surge of protective feelings that rose within him as he saw the confused woman sitting before him. "It has been many months since you left, nearly a year."

"Oh," came the Mage's quiet voice. "I see." There was a pregnant pause. Julian suddenly realized their hands were clasped together, and slowly released his grip on her. He stood up as their gaze remained fixed on each other. "Let me summon the doctor; I was supposed to watch over you in his stead while he tended to injuries."

"No!" The Mage cried, as he turned away. Surprised, Julian turned around. Her expression would have been unreadable, if her eyes did not give her away. She looked desperate, afraid, confused... Very unlike the Mage he was accustomed to (not that he had many dealings with her before though, so perhaps he caught her in a moment of vulnerability). He dismissed the idea that she was an imposter; after all, she had the Mage ring on her finger, which could only be removed from her person if she were dead, and she most clearly was not dead, as he could see.

He cocked his head questioningly at her, and she drew in a deep breath. "I'm fine, truly. I just... I must have exhausted myself getting away from Mount Thanos."

"Did you see Nerissa?"

"You seem to speak with her in too familiar a manner," she observed.

"Only because saying 'the former Guardian of Quintessence and Keeper of the Heart of Kandrakar' is a mouthful," he pointed out, and a weak smile broke over her face.

"My opponent will never leave," the Mage stated, and regret clouded her features. "I could not make her see my way. I – I have lost a close friend."

Here her voice broke, and her eyes shone with unshed tears. As if he were being controlled, he approached her yet again, and retook her hands in his. "The loss of a close one is a pain that will never heal. I am truly sorry, Mage."

"You could not have done anything, but thank you," the Mage replied, a watery smile breaking over her features.

"I must get the doctor now, Mage," Julian's voice finally pierced the heavy silence that fell over them. "Regardless of whether you feel well or not, I must get the doctor to confirm that you are, indeed, healthy. We have a long way back. I would not recommend returning by magical means, Mage. I cannot wield magic, but simple logic dictates that if indeed you had been exhausted, then using magic will only drain you further and would be counterproductive to your health. Please rest."

The Mage nodded in response, and allowed him to tuck her in more comfortably. She fell asleep again almost immediately. Julian fought the urge to touch her face, and instead went in search of the doctor with heavy feet.

* * *

They returned in a short amount of time. This time, just the creak of his boots into the tent was enough to wake her up. She sat up ramrod straight immediately after their entrance, and looked towards the opening of the tent, her face softening when she saw Julian's face.

"You're back. I haven't been asleep for too long, I think...?"

"No, only for a few minutes while I fetched the doctor. Do you feel better?"

"I feel calmer. More collected. More like myself," she bestowed a wide smile upon the two. "I feel like suddenly something is going according to how I want."

Julian could not help smiling back at her, like a fool. It was the doctor, clearing his throat, who finally brought things back to topic. "If I may, I'd like to inspect the patient."

Julian nodded, and the doctor looked pointedly. A flush rose to his cheeks, and he nodded quickly, before hastily exiting the tent.

* * *

The doctor exited the tent much later.

"So how is she?" Julian asked.

The doctor seemed startled to see him, and adjusted his glasses. He was a small, mousy man, who wore tunics far too large for his puny frame, but never before had Julian thought him incompetent until this moment. "She's all right. We should leave for the palace."

"I'd rather not," Julian frowned, worried. "She may be the Mage, but it may be more prudent for us to camp here for a few more days while she regains her strength. We can send a missive to the Royal Court while we wait for her to recover."

The doctor made no reply, but stalked off with nary a second glance. Julian raised an eyebrow at his impertinence, but said nothing. Instead he walked into the tent, where he came across the Mage lying on the bed, her eyes raised to the ceiling. She turned her head to the side towards him when she saw him enter, and reached out with her hand towards him.

"The doctor says I am good to go."

"That is all good and well, Mage, but I have already made arrangements for us to stay at camp a little while longer." He hesitated, as he added, "I am aware that you are probably not used to living on camp, but it will allow you to regain your strength much more quickly. Rest assured that you will not be disturbed here; if any of the men cause any problems, they will face the harshest of punishments."

"So I will not be able to see the King and Queen immediately?"

He shook his head and smiled apologetically. "It may be best for all of us, Mage. I am sorry."

The Mage appeared calm and collected, and she nodded. "I suppose so. Thank you..." she trailed off, looking questioningly at him.

"Julian," he answered her.

"Julian," she echoed. She tilted her head to the side. "You look so familiar... I must have seen you several times, at the palace. The first time must have been –"

"When I was a child," Julian smiled. "You met my parents several times. They had been well-respected, even after they became too old and frail for their trade. You conferred with them several times, mostly when I was younger."

"Oh," she looked confused. "I didn't know that."

"That would not have surprised me, Mage. That was many years ago. It must be now, what, almost thirty years since?"

The Mage gave him a dazzling smile. "I do not know, Julian. But now that I have met you, perhaps this can be our new beginning?"

He suddenly felt palpitations. He had never seen the Mage so open, so agreeable in conversation, even with others. "Yes, of course, Mage. I would be honoured."

She laughed. "As you should be, Julian! But come now, I would like to know of a place where I can perform my toilette."

"We are not far from Megenzjan Falls, Mage. That was where we found you. It is far enough from the men, so you may bathe without harassment. Would that suit you?"

"Perfectly, Julian. Do you mind showing me the way?"

"Of course not."

It took a shorter time for him to reach Megenzjan Falls this time, it seemed. The Mage seemed to be happy to converse. They talked about everything of consequence, and nothing at all. She was a wonderful conversationalist. Julian was finding that he had to reassess his preconceptions of the Mage. She was very different now compared to before her disappearance. She seemed livelier, and her face was an open book, clearly showing her emotions: happiness, outrage, contentment...

"We're here," he said, as they reached the waterfall. "I'll – I guess I'll leave you here."

"Where are you going?" The Mage asked.

Julian managed to prevent a flush from rising to his face. He seemed wont to doing a lot of that lately. "I assumed you wanted privacy, Mage," he said smoothly. "It would be... improper of me to watch over you  _all_ the time."

"I see. How considerate of you. You  _will_  be nearby, though, I hope. Even if I were at my full strength, I prefer not to be taken unawares, and so I hoped you would be nearby."

"You are very prudent, Mage. The monsters of Meridian no longer abide by the outskirts, but have turned increasingly violent and vicious. I'll stay nearby."

"Thank you, Julian. Now, I suppose..."

"Well, of course..."

Julian turned around, and on his honor as a soldier, he never turned around, even when he saw the Mage's clothes thrown in front of him. He merely walked even further away, to ensure the Mage would not have to cross his line of sight while she retrieved her clothes.

* * *

It became a pattern for him. Over the next few days, in the evenings, before night fell, Julian would accompany the Mage to Megenzjan Falls, as she bathed and performed her toilette.

"I have always wondered, Julian, how far your honor goes. You have never once tried to sneak a peek at me while I undressed," she called out once, while his head was turned away from her.

"I hardly think it to be a proper thing to do, Mage. It sounds like something that lustful teenagers would do. I am far from a youth, and have been an adult for many years."

"Aren't I in such good hands?"

"I sense sarcasm in your tone, Mage," Julian observed drily.

She laughed, and he felt her touch his shoulder, indicating that she was dressed and ready to leave. He turned towards her, and suddenly they locked eyes with each other.

It seemed like an eternity that they stood there. Her eyes seemed darker and more lustrous, but that could have been explained by the fact that it was nightfall.

He did not know if he leant in towards her first, or whether she was the one who initiated it, but the chaste kiss that followed was one that he would never forget. He turned so that he fully faced her, and gathered her in his embrace. She responded by snaking her arms around his neck.

The kiss grew deeper, and he pulled her body flush against him. She gave a tiny gasp of surprise.

That was all that he needed to recollect himself. He pulled himself away, his forehead resting against hers although he couldn't bring himself to let her go from his embrace. He was strangely satisfied that he was not the only one who felt out of breath; she was breathing more deeply and faster than before.

"I'm sorry." He did not know why those words escaped his lips, or why he was even apologizing for that matter – especially since he really wasn't sorry that they kissed. He was more sorry that he was acting as if he was fifteen years younger, instead of a man who was in his prime – if he had not passed his prime already.

"It must have been the full moon," she whispered, her luminous gaze fixed on him. "But I'm not sorry, not really, even if I didn't have to blame it on moon madness."

"What do you mean?"

She disentangled herself from his embrace – he tried to suppress his disappointment at the loss – and took both of his hands in hers. "This would have happened, one way or another. I did not expect to feel so... strongly. I did not plan for this. But it did." She squeezed his hands, before laughing. "I must seem very daring to you."

"Only a bit," he said, unable to suppress his smile.

She brought their entwined hands towards chest level and kissed him again chastely. "I hope you don't mind. Or your wife."

"I don't have a wife."

"And I don't have a husband. There, we have something in common. This is a good start."

"Really?"

"Really."

She kissed him again, and Julian would forever remember this moment as either the moment he had been incredibly stupid for pushing away a very beautiful woman, or the moment where he had so much willpower that he was able to resist a very beautiful woman despite the fact he was insanely attracted to her. She had him acting like an adolescent again. Slowly, when the kiss ended, he interrupted her, saying, "We probably ought to get back to camp."

"We don't have to."

"But it's probably the right thing to do."

"You're very honourable. You would probably be one of those soldiers who would die fighting what they believed in. If you were an idealistic soldier, you'd be doomed."

"What makes you think that I am not?"

"What makes you think I think that you are not?"

"To be honest, at this moment, I think you're trying to give me a headache," he cracked a smile as he replied, and was rewarded by the sound of his laughter. She rested her forehead against his.

"Julian?"

"Yes, Mage?"

"Call me Reese."

He smiled even wider. "Your name is Reese."

"It's a pet name. Don't tell anyone," she replied, winking at him.

"I won't be able to if we stay here and don't go back to camp."

"Let's not!" She exclaimed, impulsively, it seemed to him. "We can stay here, perhaps forever, in our own little world, where I could be Queen and you could be King and –"

"We'd be shirking from our responsibilities," he rejoined, but his tone brooked no reproach. Instead his voice expressed fondness. "I would not be able to, Reese. Although, one day, perhaps, we can return here and pretend."

She quickly kissed him again. "Do you really promise?"

"I do."

"So we'll come back tomorrow then, and pretend some more."

She looked at him expectantly, and he could only nod dumbly, before he led her away from the waterfall to return to the camp.

* * *

So this was what it was like to fall in love. Not just a passing infatuation or a moment of temporary insanity, but truly falling in love. Julian had never felt an emotion this intense for another woman before, and the feeling itself was indescribable. It felt like the greatest bliss and the most terrible distraction ever. He found that without her, he was unable to concentrate as well as he used to, but with her, he was better than he had ever been in all aspects.

She consumed his thoughts. It couldn't be healthy, and he tried to regain some semblance of willpower, but failed each time. He would be sparring, but his attacks did not have the same precision, or his drills would not be as sharp or precise as they used to be.

"You ought to have done better than that if you wanted to impress me," the Mage said, two days later after the first time they kissed. They were again at Megenzjan Falls, and his back was turned towards her yet again. He could hear her undress; his senses seemed to be attuned to everything she did, and he heard the water splashing, indicating that she must have entered the water.

"I would, but you're proving to be quite the distraction."

"A welcome one, I hope." He heard the water splash again, and the pitter-patter of wet footsteps on the grass.

He smiled and then froze when he felt a body pressed against his. Water seeped through his clothing, and the body wrapped his arms around his waist.

"Am I being welcome now?"

"Reese," Julian began, but his voice sounded so strangled that he could not seem to force another word out.

"What is it, Julian?" she queried innocently. Her hands began to roam, but Julian caught them.

"As tempting as this is, you yourself know that this is highly improper."

"Does it have to be?" She released him from her embrace, and turned him around. He tried not to look anywhere but straight ahead and tried not to dwell on the fact that she was still undressed, her body covered only by silky strands of her pale blonde hair. She brought her face closer to his and gently caressed his cheek. He found himself leaning onto her touch.

"Who am I to you, Julian?" her voice came out in a whisper. "Could you ever love me?"

He did not know how to answer her, but he kissed her. That was answer enough. "We should go back," were the only words he said to her, after the kiss ended.

She withdrew from him, her hair covering her modesty. "I'll go and dress then."

He turned around and waited for her to dress. When they walked to the camp this time, both were silent.

The half-moon shone brightly. Tomorrow the army would leave their camp near Megenzjan Falls. The Mage and the rest of the injured men would be strong enough to travel by then.

* * *

It did not take very long for them to reach the settlement. Vathek greeted him as they entered, the Mage was sitting astride on Julian's horse, which Julian himself led, while the men carried the rest of the things.

"Thank goodness you have arrived safely," Vathek said, as he led them to the inn. "Once we sent word to the King and Queen that the Mage was with us, he arranged so that we could stay in the inn, free of charge."

Julian simply nodded as Vathek filled him in on everything they had missed. However, he could not concentrate on what Vathek was saying, no matter how much he tried. Vathek picked up on his inattention and frowned.

"What has been going on with you?" Vathek asked a day later, after everything had been settled and the rest of the party had settled at the inn. The two sat at the counter in the inn's tavern, each with a drink. Julian shrugged.

"I don't quite know myself," he admitted to his friend.

"You do know you can tell me anything, right?" He nudged Julian, before looking at the door. A mischievous grin appeared on his face. "Tell me, it wouldn't have anything to do with a  _woman_ , would it?"

"What?" Julian sat ramrod straight, before looking at his friend. "What gave you  _that_ idea?"

"Nothing, except there is a beautiful woman at the doorway, and she's looking straight at us, and since I'm taken...?" Vathek trailed off, and looked at his fingers. Julian snorted in annoyance, and lifted his mug to take a swig, but before he could bring it to his lips, something – a flicker of movement, really – caught the corner of his eyes. He turned his head towards the entrance of the tavern, and saw the Mage at the door, beckoning him with a finger. Her hair was loose over her shoulders in disarray, though still dressed in all her finery.

"Quite a beautiful barmaid," Vathek commented. "I wonder when you found the time to meet her and sweep her off her feet. You've got some game, my friend. She's making bedroom eyes at you."

Confused, Julian looked to Vathek, before looking at the Mage again. She was dressed in all her finery, and did not look like a barmaid at all.  _Why was Vathek talking about a barmaid unless...?_ Then it hit him; the Mage must have been cast a glamour spell to prevent others from seeing her as she looked. He did not know why, but he supposed she had her reasons; perhaps the ramifications would be great she was caught doing what Vathek claimed she was doing... which he secretly hoped she was doing, against all hope and rational thinking.

Vathek's snorting woke him from his trance. "Look at you, acting like a sapling instead of a fully grown adult," he said, but the words were not said with malice. "Well, what are you waiting for?" Vathek ribbed him. "A beautiful woman – who you may very well be in love with – is requesting your presence. You'd be a fool not to go. If it were my wife, I would already have disappeared with her five minutes ago."

Julian nodded, and stood up. It seemed like forever before he reached her, and when he did, he again had that odd sensation of being outside his body as he gathered her to his arms and kissed her.

At the end of their kiss, he did not let her go from his embrace, but instead rested his forehead on hers.

"Marry me."

The Mage's eyes widened, and she drew her head back. Silence, unbearable silence, hung heavy between them.

"Isn't it too soon though...?" The Mage asked, her eyes betraying hints of desire, wistfulness and... fear? Julian decided not to question that, but instead laughed softly.

"Too soon according to what standards? Only Earth customs might dictate this to be going too soon, if the rumors about Earth are true. Are you afraid?" He added, trying not to let worry seep into his voice.

"No, of course not," she said, smiling shyly ( _shyly?_ ) as she looked down. When she looked up again, her eyes were beautiful and luminous as she whispered, "I don't think I could ever be happier than I am at this moment," before she drew him closer for a passionate kiss, throwing her arms around his neck and closing the distance between their bodies.

The fact that her eyes changed color to a darker green was merely an afterthought he did not bother with remembering.

* * *

 _So it's true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.  
_ \- E.A. Bucchianeri,  _Brushstrokes of a Gadfly_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In TV Tropes, the whole relationship between Julian and Nerissa is defined as rape. I'm not entirely sure whether the Julian in my story would be considered that. They did have a relationship under false pretenses, and Julian would be well within his right to feel betrayed. It's one of those areas where we're really pushing the boundaries of consent.


	3. Loss

_But oh! that deep romantic chasm which slanted  
Down the green hill athwart a cedarn cover!  
A savage place! as holy and enchanted  
As e'er beneath a waning moon was haunted  
By woman wailing for her demon-lover!  
_\- Samuel Taylor Coleridge,  _Kubla Khan_

* * *

They returned in timely fashion. The Queen and her Consort were overjoyed when they saw that the Mage was unharmed, well, and healthy. However, when the Mage announced that she would be spending time away from court, they grew worried.

"That is quite unlike you, Mage. You, who have always thrown yourself into your work... I hope nothing is amiss?" Julian overheard the Queen ask.

"No, Your Majesty. You can say that my encounter with... well, you know who," (it seemed as if the Mage could not bring herself to say the other name) "Provided some real perspective." The Mage looked down. "She was my dear friend. She tried to persuade me, but much to her regret, I would never change my mind."

Her Majesty nodded. "I'm sorry, Mage. I understand how betrayed you must have felt. She was dear to all of us."

"It's all right. But I think now I'd like a taste of some normalcy." She turned, and her eyes seemed trained to Julian's hiding place where he was pretending that he was  _not_  eavesdropping. "Maybe marry, start a family..." she trailed off. "Goodbye, Your Majesties. I wish for happiness in the future."

"I didn't know that the Mage was permitted to marry," the Queen's consort whispered to her as the Mage walked away.

"Or that she was young enough to start a family!" The Queen added.

The Mage did not seem to hear them, even though Julian did. As the Mage approached him, she smiled brilliantly and gave him her hand. "Let's go, Julian."

He kissed her proffered hand, and he led her away from the Palace.

* * *

The ceremony was a quiet, simple one, in the most beautiful place he could think of: Megenzjan Falls. After all, that was the place where he had found her again: not the cold, aloof, detached, emotionless Mage, but a Mage who wasn't afraid of showing her emotions, who loved as freely and gave more than she received.

There were very few witnesses: just Vathek and his pregnant wife, and the minister himself. The Mage argued that the knowledge of their marriage would cause many problems that would impact her negatively, and for some reason, the conversation between the King and Queen on whether the Mage could marry and have a family replayed in his mind. It didn't matter, however; not now that they were to be married. She convinced him that even during the wedding ceremony that she ought to dress differently and in disguise as a simple Meridian maid, so that no one would suspect he would be marrying the Mage. She veiled herself, so that none would be able to see her face. If necessary, she would use the glamour she had cast back when she had tried to get his attention in the inn so long ago.

"I wish you all the happiness in the future, my friend. Perhaps one day our children will become fast friends, and will be able to play together," Vathek said, as he took him aside.

Julian nodded. "If we are blessed with children, perhaps. You forget that we are rather older than most parents."

"That is true," Vathek agreed, "but at least you love each other. If anything, you will have each other. Have you any idea what you will do?"

"I won't leave my post in the army, Vathek," Julian said. "I'll still train the younger soldiers."

"And the Mage? Will she resume whatever Mage-y duties she had before?"

"Well, she's said to the King and Queen that she will retire from her duties temporarily –"

"Can the Mage even do that?" Vathek sounded astounded.

"The King and Queen did give her permission. I wonder if she'll look for a successor and train her."

"The Mage is still young enough to continue her duties. Isn't that highly irresponsible of her?"

"The Mage," her voice interrupted their conversation, "does not have many duties in light of the peace that has ensued ever since Nerissa was condemned to imprisonment at Mount Thanos. Therefore, it is unnecessary for her to be confined to the Palace, and both of Their Majesties agree."

Both men turned to look at her. Julian gazed at her with obvious affection, whereas Vathek had the decency to look abashed, even if he still looked upon her with suspicion and worry. "That makes sense, Mage. I did not mean to cast any aspersions on your character." A small, genuine smile curved his lips. "You make my friend happy, and I honour you for doing so."

"Thank you, Vathek," the Mage answered graciously. She drew closer to Julian and embraced him. "Now husband of mine, what say you to slipping away?" She asked, her breath warm on his ears as she whispered her question. Vathek looked away, obviously trying to pretend he did not just hear what the amorous Mage had just whispered in public.

Julian gave an awkward, apologetic smile to his friend, and was about to open his mouth when Vathek shook his head. "I'll see you another time, Julian. You will want to spend time with your new wife. Have fun!" Vathek blurted out the last bit, and then when he realized what he had just said, the look on his face was truly comical.

"Goodbye Vathek," the Mage smiled at him. Julian would have said it was a devious smile, and was about to tell her so, when she kissed him passionately. All thoughts fled his mind at that moment, and when she drew away from him, she took one of his hands in hers, and led him away from the site of the ceremony and festivities, towards the tent they had set up as their bridal chamber.

By the time they reached the tent near the falls, it was sundown. She excused herself to bathe and perform the rest of her toilette, much as she used to do back when he had first brought her to camp.

"Come with me," she whispered in his ears. "We're married now, you can't have any objections."

He could not say anything in response, but he allowed her to lead him out towards the waters. This time, he did not look away as she undressed slowly before his eyes and when she kissed him after she divulged herself of her clothing, he did not turn away. Instead, he drew her closer, and did not let her go.

He didn't think he would ever be able to. Not after that night.

* * *

Their life together passed happily enough for a few months. Every day, he seemed to fall more and more in love with her. Their home was a haven of marital bliss. He wished all this – falling in love and marrying the Mage – had happened sooner, but he was not about to start complaining now. Each day began bright and hopeful, with him wishing he never had to leave his wife's side. It was a miracle that he still managed to complete his duties satisfactorily, given how frequently his mind strayed to his wife, and how he longed to be with her yet again.

He returned home one day to find the Mage not by the door, which was a strange thing. She used to stand by the door to greet him with a kiss. Yes, she had been sick recently, throwing up and looking pale, especially early in the day, but she never failed to greet him.

He shouldn't have to panic. The Mage was a powerful being. She would not disappear without a fight... And then it hit him; what if she hadn't fought? What if she simply left him and disappeared?

He raced upstairs to their bedroom, almost in despair, but on opening the door, he was relieved to see her sitting by the window, staring outside. She was still in her nightgown, which showed off her shoulders and skimmed her figure, ending at the floor, and which was made of some sort of floaty, gauzy, translucent white material. For her not to have changed probably meant that she had not left the bedroom the whole day... What was wrong?

He crossed the room towards her, and took both her hands which were lying on her lap in his. "You're home," she murmured, and turned to look at him. A wan smile played on her lips.

He kissed her hands and knelt on the floor beside her. "Reese, my love, what's wrong?" He asked her.

Again she looked away from him and faced the window. Her eyes looked far away into the distance, and her voice, when she spoke, was distant from his as well. It seemed like an eternity before she spoke.

"I'm... afraid, Julian. I'm frightened that all of a sudden I'll wake up from this and realize that this was all a beautiful, if impossible, dream. Or maybe that you'll wake up one day and also realize that this life we're living is but a beautiful lie, and that this moment of happiness would merely be fleeting."

"Then if that's the case, we don't have to wake up, Reese. But what has brought this about? Why not enjoy our lives, the way it is? I love you, Reese; that will never change. This past few months with you may have been like a beautiful dream; I have never been as happy in my life as I am now, with you by my side. You won't ever have to worry that I will cease loving you; that will never happen."

Her smile was still faint, as she returned her gaze to him. She caressed his cheek, and leaned down towards him. "Kiss me, Julian. Kiss me, and hold me as if you'll never let me go."

He complied with her request, pulling her down so that she, too, knelt by the floor in front of him. He crushed her lithe figure to his as he kissed her passionately, trying to convey to her that if it were up to him, they would be together forever. Somewhere at the back of his mind it registered that her hands had wrapped themselves around his waist.

Eventually, she pulled away, breathless, and hid her face in his chest. "I have not had my moon-cycle for nearly two months, and I've been sick nearly every morning," she whispered, agitated. "It is not that I have reached the end of my childbearing years," she continued, frantically, before Julian could suggest it. Instead, she said the most life-changing words he thought he would hear in his life:

"Julian, you're going to be a father."

* * *

The news of the Mage's pregnancy did not spread far. In fact, Vathek was the only one Julian told, and he received quiet congratulations; Julian did not think he had to tell everyone anyway. If the Mage told anyone, he did not know.

The next few months passed in a strange daze. It was fascinating to see his wife grow heavy with their child. Once the morning sickness had passed, the Mage glowed. Perhaps it was the knowledge that she was pregnant with their child, but Julian thought she had never been more beautiful in her happiness.

He had never quite thought the Mage to be a maternal creature. In fact, he had pretty much thought that in marrying the Mage, he would be giving up fatherhood. She was fairly advanced in age for childbearing, after all. The fact that they were about to have a child was a miracle in itself.

While he now knew that he was going to be a father, occasionally that realization would hit him again, like waves crashing onto the rocks by a beach.  _My wife is pregnant and we are going to have a child._  Boy or girl, it did not matter to him. He was just too much in awe that their love could give rise to such a miracle.

"How many children would you want to have? We never really discussed that," she asked him one day. They had made a trip to Megenzjan Falls for a short retreat from the world as they knew it. The sun was setting, and they ought to be leaving, he knew, but they were both so comfortable. He was lying down, his head on her lap, and she was caressing his face as they both sought shade under a willowy tree.

He smiled at her question and looked at her face. "As many as I am blessed with, I suppose. Numbers don't matter, nor whether they are girls or boys, as long as they are hale and healthy. Although it may be nice to have a daughter who looks as beautiful as her mother," he said, taking her hand and kissing it.

He did not understand why a stricken look passed over her face and she looked despondent, when he said that to bring a smile to her face, but he kissed her hand again. "What about you? Do you think we'll have a daughter as our firstborn?"

She shook her head and smiled at him with glistening eyes.  _Why was she sad?_ He wondered, but before he could ask that question, she answered him.

"No, I think we'll have a son, and I hope he grows up to be a man as handsome as his father, and as honourable and kind-hearted as he is. He'll be a filial, loyal son. I can see it already: our son is destined for greatness."

As she leaned down to kiss him, he choked on the surge of emotion that rose within him.

* * *

The midwife was summoned, and Julian found himself on the outside of the bedroom. "A birth is strictly women's domain," the midwife said sternly, before she strong-armed him out of the room and shut the door in his face, much to his chagrin. It had been nearly eight hours since the midwife had been summoned, and it was agony for him as he heard his wife's screams of pain from outside the door.

"They say women can die in childbirth," Vathek told him. He had been the one to summon the midwife when Julian turned up at his house, anxious and out of breath, asking him who the best midwife in town was; the baby was coming slightly earlier than expected and Julian had not had the time to investigate who was the best. Vathek decided to stay with Julian to support him and his wife through this harrowing time. After all, Julian was half-insane from all the worrying and anticipation. Vathek suspected that if Julian did not cease his incessant pacing, he too would go insane as well.

At any rate, Julian shot his friend a dirty look upon hearing his friend's reply, but Vathek did not seem perturbed in the least. "When my son was born, I was worried, of course. It was a difficult birth. There are risks, but more often than not, there is a beautiful newborn which somehow makes the parents forget about just how much pain and terror they endured, and all they can think about is bearing yet another."

"That's very interesting," Julian said in a tone that suggested he thought otherwise. "I wonder how much longer this will last."

"Up to two days, I've heard."

" _What_?" Julian exclaimed. It was at this moment that a particularly long scream was heard from the door, followed by a heavy thump, and then the sound of a baby wailing.

It was the most beautiful sound he'd heard up to this point. He threw open the doors, and saw the midwife standing over the Mage, who held the newborn to her breast. The midwife silently exited from the room, as Julian slowly made his way towards the Mage. She smiled at him.

"He's beautiful, isn't he?" She asked him, never taking her eyes off of the newborn.

"A son?"

The Mage looked up at him with a radiant smile. "I was right. As always."

Julian laughed and kissed her forehead. "You look beautiful."

"Me, beautiful?" She asked, wryly. "I look like a mess." She nodded her head to emphasize that; he platinum blonde hair was splayed out, tangle and sticky with sweat. "I'm pretty sure I smell as well. I need a bath."

"You're still beautiful," he whispered and sat on the edge of the back next to her. He threw an arm around her and looked at the newborn. "So what should we call him?"

"Caleb," she said absently.

He looked curiously at her. "That's an unusual name, Reese. Why Caleb?"

Her eyes widened and she looked nervous. "I – well, I like the name. It means whole-hearted, like, well..." she paused, before sniffing and turning her nose up at him. "Oh, it doesn't matter! Unless, well... Do you have any objections against it?" She added defiantly.

He shook his head. "No, of course not. I was just wondering."

She nodded. A moment of silence passed, and it was the Mage who broke the silence by whispering, "This cannot last forever, can it? I'm living on borrowed time in a borrowed life."

He recognized this mood, and it always worried him when she got all contemplative and philosophical. He tried to assuage her fears whenever she tended to become melancholic and fatalistic, but he was never sure of whether it was enough. For now, however, he only responded with a kiss to her forehead, and said, "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, my love. Why should you not deserve this happiness with me?"  _You do not know how happy I am with the way everything is_ , were the words he left unsaid.

She did not say anything in response, but the expression on her face grew more troubled. He was even more concerned at that point, but she seemed unwilling to talk, and so they sat in silence next to each other, as she nursed their newborn baby while he desperately willed for this happiness to last forever.

* * *

Baby Caleb seemed to grow fast and strong, much to Julian's pride and the Mage's delight. It seemed as if motherhood agreed with the Mage. It helped that Caleb had been a very well-behaved baby.

"You haven't been secretly giving him potions, have you, love?" Julian teased her one day.

She laughed in response. "My spawn is simply superior to all others. He  _knows_  how to behave. It's not my fault that other babies have such poor behaviour. My Caleb is intelligent and strong and deserves the world; it's his birthright. He will grow up, and make a fine leader in the midst of chaos."

" _Your_  Caleb?" He raised an eyebrow at that.

"Yes," she sniffed as she picked Caleb up from the floor, where he was crawling around on all fours. " _My_  Caleb. And you are  _my_  Julian."

"I like the sound of that," he replied, and leaned in to kiss her, with baby Caleb in between, gurgling with laughter.

* * *

When Caleb was not yet three, interesting news came about. "The Queen and her Consort are expecting another child," Vathek said. "How surprising! Who could have guessed that the Queen was still fertile?"

Julian shook his head. "Really, Vathek, some people might consider what you are saying to be impertinent. At any rate, I would prefer not to talk about Their Majesties' nightly activities. I truly hope that their child is born safely. They have lost so many babies already; it would be horrible to lose this one too."

"I bet Prince Phobos is throwing a royal tantrum right now, though," Vathek sniggered. "If the baby is a girl, she might outrank him in the inheritance of the throne, especially if she turns out to be the Heart of Meridian."

"That would be better, I would think. A gentle princess at any time would be preferable when compared to a tyrannical prince."

* * *

The whole of Meridian was plunged into chaos when the news broke. In truly mysterious circumstances, the Queen of Meridian and her Consort had died, and Prince Phobos ascended the throne. No one knew what happened to the child the Queen had been pregnant with; some say that Prince Phobos had his sister killed, some say that the Queen died before the babe could have been delivered. It seemed that the only thing that all these reports had in common was a firm belief that the Prince's sibling would have been a female, and therefore was the rightful heir to the throne. That explained why the baby mysteriously disappeared, and also explained why Prince Phobos had seized the throne immediately, rather than wait for a proper coronation as tradition dictated.

Many people asked  _how_  the young Prince was able to seize the throne. In reality, although Prince Phobos had been very young, he was also – despite his youth – very powerful. Too powerful, even if he did not possess the Heart of Meridian. Furthermore, his parents' death had thrown Meridian into a state of tumult, making it easier for him to strong-arm his way into power and subvert the constitution. Under him, Meridian became an absolute monarchy. He proved to be as psychopathic as everyone believed him to be. He allowed the monsters to freely roam Meridian as long as they swore fealty and obeyed him as their master, resulting in total chaos in the villages and settlements.

"We must do something," Julian said firmly to the Mage one night, as they rested by the living room in the evening after their supper, near the fire. The Mage was quiet as she rocked Caleb to sleep in her arms whilst her eyes remained fixated on the flames in the fireplace. They had been lucky, but their neighbours had not. "Monsters must not be allowed to roam Meridian freely. Prince Phobos cannot run Meridian the way he is doing now; he'll destroy us all if we do that." He laid a hand over hers as he stood over her shoulder, and she looked up at him. "Do you think you could do anything to stop him?"

"Against Phobos?" She laughed, but it was a harsh, angry sound. "Phobos is a fool. He will not stand, and in time, he  _will_ be overthrown."

"But who will fight against him? Can  _you_?" Julian beseeched.

"Phobos has unimaginable powers, Julian, especially if he is the possessor of the Heart of Meridian. It would be folly for me to rush off into war with him! He would annihilate all of us. We need to wait and plan..."

" _While people are dying?_ "Julian exclaimed, aghast.

"It's for the greater good!" the Mage cried. "Julian, listen, we have to think about the bigger picture here! I have it all in place, you have to trust me! All we need is time and patience, and –"

"I have to go. We're organizing forces against Phobos. He'll either abdicate, or we'll start up a resistance against him."

"No, Julian, don't be a –"

"A fool?" The words sounded hollow, bitter in his mouth. "Perhaps it is foolish of me, Mage," he continued, "But I would rather fight for a cause I believe in, than pretend everything is all right. It is not. It may never be so. I'll have to leave; our best chance of stopping Phobos relies on the hope that it will be easier to do so in this turmoil. If he establishes himself as the monarch, we'll all be doomed."

The Mage ran to the door and blocked it with her body. "Julian, trust me, I have it all planned out. You just need to see things my way – I have seen it, the new world we'll create; you and I, as leaders of Meridian. All we need is to wait; Caleb will grow up and he will then –"

"Caleb grow up in the middle of this chaos? That is the last thing I want, Mage!" He laughed mirthlessly. "I would rather die than watch my people –  _my son_  – suffering as a result of Prince Phobos' villainy. He thought he'd be King, and probably thought his mother was pregnant with another son, and when a daughter was born, he decided to slaughter his entire family. He'll destroy Meridian's people, and then he'll destroy Meridian." He shook his head. "And anyway, I don't want to rule Meridian, I want it to be free. Free from tyranny, and free for the people. Free for  _us._ It's not like I want to, Reese," He said softly, almost tenderly, as he reached for the door. "It's my duty."

" _Please_ , Julian, if you go we many never see each other, not for a long time at least!"

She had grabbed one of his arms and looked to him, pleading. Her eyes – forest green and striking with emotion – stared up at him. They were glistening with unshed tears, and desperation was clearly etched in her face.

He kissed her, a chaste kiss, and left the house. In the distance, he heard a woman screaming  _(in anger? In despair?)_ , and tried to pretend that he didn't know it was her.

* * *

Prince Phobos managed to suppress the growing resistance that day in the most cowardly of fashions: he attacked the rebels during a peace process. There was no honour in that, only sheer brutality. The resistance was overcome, and Julian found himself – for the first time in his life – on the wrong side of a prison cell. Many fine Meridians had been killed, maimed or imprisoned; few, if any, managed to escape. It was a clear message to the rest of the Meridians who were being tyrannized under Phobos' rule; if they dared to defy him, they would face the consequences.

A part of Julian was grateful to still be alive, but the other part – the part that worried about Reese and his son – was in despair. There was no way in which he could let her know that he was still alive. He hoped that she had managed to evade Phobos' forces; he dared not hope that their home would still be standing when he returned,  _if_  he returned.

He shook his head. That was no way to think. He needed to return. He needed to see Reese and Caleb again.

He decided to wait and plan. After all, Phobos' monster guards were not all intelligent; most of them relied on brute force. It should not be too difficult to outwit them.

* * *

He sometimes tried to imagine, as he waited for the perfect opportunity to escape, what it would be like when he returned. He tried to imagine the look on Reese's face, her surprise at seeing her clean-shaven husband with a beard and moustache. It had been so long, nearly six months, since his capture. Caleb probably was running now, chattering away, playing with toy swords and growing up without him.

He had memorized the guard's schedules. Phobos was a new ruler; he was probably not aware that with the changes he had implemented to Palace security, he had left a lot of security breaches.  _Foolish boy_ , he had thought to himself, but he had to take advantage of the opportunity. If Phobos found out, he'd be the wiser for it, and it would not be as easy to escape next time.

Vathek, to his dismay, had sworn allegiance to Phobos. He could not understand how his best friend could come to such a terrible conclusion, but he could use it to his advantage. Vathek's weapons tended to be powerful and strong, but that came at the price of being heavy and cumbersome. He could counter it by being fleet-footed and quick.

The cells were like normal prison cells as well, made of stone and poorly lit, shadowed in perpetual darkness, enough to make even the most level-headed man go insane. He'd have to guard his mind against the psychological factor of being imprisoned, and ensure that he had sufficient strength to build an underground tunnel out of the cell. One thing Phobos had forgotten was how the dungeons had been constructed hundreds of years ago, and how they could be easily dug out from with perseverance... Lots of perseverance.

They did not feed the prisoners enough food. Some had already died of starvation. Julian could feel his strength being sapped away, but he could not allow himself to give up hope.

* * *

The escape had gone without a hitch, and if he had calculated everything correctly, Phobos would not realize they had escaped until the next day. He had no plans to go back to his cell, and so decided to make his way down towards the grounds held by the underground resistance. It would be safer there; he could not afford to go home and risk being seen. He was welcomed with open arms, and was introduced to the Infinite City, whose history and origins had been lost many years ago and was now shrouded in myth. Julian had never realized that the Infinite City was actually a real place, since he had only ever heard stories about it. The resistance decided to use the Infinite City as a headquarters of sorts. It was hardly ideal; crops grew poorly down underground, so if they were sealed within the rebels would have been doomed. Luckily, Phobos did not know that, or the fact that the Infinite City was real for that matter, and that the rebels were hiding there.

To his surprise, Vathek was there among the resistance forces. Anger overcame Julian when he saw his friend –  _former_  friend, he reminded himself – and attacked him. To his surprise, the rebels held him back. He struggled in vain to escape his holders, but realized that there was no way he could break free from their clutches unless he hurt them, and even then, his body had been weakened by starvation and imprisonment.

"What are you doing? Why is he here? He's allied with Phobos!" Julian struggled.

"We know," the other rebels said calmly. "He's our spy."

"Spy?" Julian berated himself for not thinking that and assuming the worst.

"Yes," Vathek said glumly, picking himself up and dusting himself off. "Someone needed to do it, and why not me? I was not aligned to the Army at that point of time, and was the best weapon-smith in Meridian. Phobos would have been a fool not to recruit me. It was ideal for me to be the spy; this way, I could sabotage the weapons  _and_ keep an eye out for any news that could help our cause. It's not like I can ever be reunited with my family, now that they're..." He paused and approached Julian, his head downcast. "I'm sorry, Julian, I could not help you, though I wish I could. I did not want to run the risk of revealing my true allegiances."

"It's my fault, Vathek," Julian shook his head. "I should not have believed the worst of you."

Vathek nodded. "There is someone that you ought to see now, Julian... Someone who I am sure you would like to see."

 _Reese,_  Julian thought, and his heart lifted as he followed his friend through the Infinite City. It seemed as if they were walking forever, in his weakened state, but he suddenly stopped at one building and knocked on the door. The door opened.

Julian caught his breath as a woman's outline came into view, but when she stepped into the light, he saw that it was not who he was hoping for; it was not Reese. He had never met the woman before, with her insignificant features and plain appearance. She held a candle in her other hand and pressed a finger to her lips.

"The children are sleeping," she whispered, as she led them inside through the corridor. She looked him up and down. "You must be Caleb's father. Caleb looks so much like you."

Julian could only nod mutely upon hearing these words. It wasn't until Vathek nudged him that he made his way, behind the lady, to see his sleeping son.

* * *

Caleb grew like a reed, strong and fast. If Meridian had been as it used to be in days of yore, he would have been taught more than just the rudimentary letters and numbers, but these were dark days of war between the Rebels and Prince Phobos' forces. Instead, after mastering the basics of language and mathematics, he had been drafted into the resistance. Caleb took to combat early on. He wanted to help, he had said to Julian, after they were reunited. Julian had been appointed as one of the leaders of the rebellion after his arrival, to his great chagrin and reluctance; he had, after all, been a distinguished member of the Meridian army before Phobos' coup.

To a boy like Caleb, who was adventurous and dreamt of being in the outdoors as he was wont to do as a child, the prospect of war was appealed to him, for it meant freedom from the confines of the Infinite City. Caleb dreamt of fighting alongside his father to liberate the city and find his mother. Caleb had not known what happened to his mother; the morning their home was attacked, Reese had taken him to a lady who minded children for a living, saying that she would be back. The attacks came, and the lady and all the children she was minding at the time were evacuated together; after all, it wasn't as if they had the luxury of waiting for each child's parents so that they could all be evacuated together, she argued. Since then, no one had seen Reese, either in her Mage form or her glamour.

That was all Julian could find out. The lack of information frustrated him, and he realized that she was lost to him forever. It was as if she had never existed; as a matter of fact; if it weren't for the fact that Caleb existed, he might have wondered whether the time he spent with her had been but a dream. However, Caleb did not look much like her at all; like Reese had predicted, he grew up to be almost a copy of Julian, except his eyes. Even so, his eyes did not look like Reese's; the green of his eyes were deeper, instead of the pale jadeite colour that her eyes were.

He never spoke of her again, not even to Caleb, and Caleb learnt to stop asking about her. In time, Caleb himself began to forget about his mother; her loving gaze, sound of her voice, the safety of her embrace... Julian considered this to be a blessing, for – unlike Caleb – he could not escape the great happiness and terrible melancholy that threatened to overcome him each time he thought about her.

* * *

 _When we lose one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough.  
_ \- Maurice Maeterlinck,  _Wisdom and Destiny_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I also referenced Kubla Khan. I think I adored W.I.T.C.H. even more in Season 2, especially when Taranee quoted Kubla Khan in X is for Xanadu. I had not seen Season 2 until I watched it on YouTube a few days ago (which is what inspired this story). I had enjoyed Season 2 so immensely and seeing X is for Xanadu reminded me of when I was much younger and sitting for my IGCSEs (Kubla Khan was written by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, and we had to study all his works for our English Literature syllabus). Coincidentally, I discovered W.I.T.C.H. around the time I was sitting for my IGCSEs, that's a long time ago!
> 
> Caleb is a Hebrew name. In most baby name sites, it means 'dog', but I came across this interesting thread that suggested it means, 'whole-hearted': http://www.behindthename.com/bb/fact/175266.) Given how much we know about Nerissa's obsession with the Hearts, if we took this interpretation of the name, this would indeed be a moment of Fridge Brilliance. And that's the interpretation I want to take.
> 
> If Julian didn't cut off Nerissa, she would have told him all about her diabolical plans. If anyone is wondering why is Nerissa such a pansy in this one, remember that for all she's magnificent in plotting and scheming, her emotions are always her downfall. She does show emotions towards Caleb and Julian even in the series (mostly anger in 'O', and I'd like to think there was a time when she was not afraid to be vulnerable towards Julian. She probably justifies it as keeping up her act). Her vulnerability is why I've made her such a pansy (case in point: the flashback to Cassidy's death has her running away in tears). Also, I managed to insert some references to the series: In 'O', she talks about Caleb's birthright as well.


	4. End

_It is a wise father that knows his own child.  
_ \- William Shakespeare,  _The Merchant of Venice_

* * *

Even before he was fully grown, Caleb already was a better fighter than most boys twice his age. That was his argument for why he ought to be included as a fighter when he found out about the plans for Grey Woods.

Thankfully, Julian did not have to forbid Caleb from participating; the rebel forces were quite clear about age requirements. That being said, Julian would be never countenance any child near the battle, much less his own son. If he had his way, Caleb would grow up in safety; this being a time of war, Caleb would grow up in the Infinite City and would never leave. However, Julian knew his son craved the outside world, and therefore tried to take Caleb out for excursions whenever he could. It was often only the two of them, since there was safety in fewer numbers now; the smaller the party, the less likely Phobos' lackeys would hinder their movements, and if they were stealthy enough, they could avoid the worst of the danger. They would go fishing above the lake, or hunting trips across the lands, or travelling the Meridian plains. Sometimes, Julian would take him to the outskirts where they could fight (smaller, less vicious) monsters. Caleb was becoming pretty adept at slaying them, Julian noted, although he would never tell Caleb that. That would only put ideas into Caleb's head, and would give him more leverage when debating why he should be allowed to fight against Phobos for real. Julian would not be able to forgive himself if Caleb was injured.

He knew that one day Caleb would reach an age where he would have be allowed to fight, but right now, he took comfort in the fact that Caleb would have to grow older before he could do so.

Caleb, for his part, did not like the fact that he would have to wait before he could fight one bit, but Julian would not say anything that would assuage his son's feelings. He knew, more than anything, that Caleb was unhappy in the Infinite City; most of the rebel Meridianites had decided on returning home, realizing that it would be futile to wait underground until Phobos was defeated. It was much more useful to be above ground, where they could observe Phobos' actions and strategize; that being said, it was also much more dangerous with Phobos' forces and the monsters of Meridian around.

* * *

The Battle of Grey Woods was not really a battle.

It was a massacre.

Somehow, Phobos had found out about the rebel's plans to rescue the oppressed Meridians in Grey Woods. Or perhaps Grey Woods had been a trap from the beginning. Perhaps they had underestimated Phobos' cunning and cruelty.

Nearly all the rebels who had been deployed to Grey Woods for this mission were killed. The few who were not were tortured to within an inch of their life. However, before the maiming could begin, there were whispers of valuable minerals in mines located underwater in Meridian. No one knew where it was; only that it was incredibly dangerous to get to, and that it was rare for a miner at that location to survive the conditions and workload there.

In the end, Julian could not decide whether it was a blessing or a curse that he was sent there to work like a slave. On one hand, he was alive. On the other, he might as well have not been, given the fact that he was being worked to the bone. This was not living; this was barely surviving from one day to the next. He tried to think of ways to escape, but unlike the case where he was imprisoned in the dungeons the first time, he had no idea how the Underwater Mines were set up, and it was a labyrinth down here. He never worked long enough in one sector of the mines to figure out the easiest escape route, and he was constantly being watched. He must have been recognized as one of the escaped prisoners, and so was being observed constantly.

He lost all track of time. A month could have passed, a year could have passed, perhaps even more. The days blurred into each other. Here in the Underwater Mines, no one could tell whether it was night or day. Men died from exhaustion, starvation, insanity, suicide...

Julian was made of sterner stuff. He would survive this, and he would be reunited with his son. He wondered how Caleb was doing.

Sometimes he would chuckle to himself. Perhaps he would be doomed to work in the Underwater Mines until he was an old, crotchety man, and perhaps Caleb would come and rescue his old man, the son becoming the hero of the story started by his father.

* * *

Aketon appeared one day. He was a father of one of Caleb's friends, Julian remembered. Funny, Aketon appeared much older than he really was. It should not have surprised him, though; he struggle against Phobos had made old men out of them all.

The other alternative – that more time had passed than he believed it had – was an unbearable thought, and he pushed it far from the recesses of his mind.

Aketon somehow found himself on the ground, and Julian – as one of the nearest people to him – helped Aketon up. The man was grateful, and thanked him, but his eyes betrayed his surprise when he looked at Julian face to face. Before Aketon could exclaim, "I know you!" Julian knew Aketon recognized him from the expression on Aketon's face.

The weapon Aketon held in his hands was mysteriously damaged only a few minutes later, and Aketon left the Mines. Julian could not help feeling disappointed; it could be many months before he would see a friendly face again.

* * *

Again, the days seemed to meld together. The guards were moving him to another sector, when he saw another group of miners – six of them – heading his way. He looked up, and thought he was hallucinating when he saw his own image looking back at him.

At that moment, he thought he was going to die soon. His mind was playing tricks on him; he would soon go insane and –

His image caught his eye and lifted a finger to his lips to silence him. It was then that he realized he was not hallucinating, but then that meant that the man – no, it could not be.

_How could it be that the young man looking at him was his own son? How many years had passed since his imprisonment?_

* * *

Caleb had come to rescue him. He could hardly believe it, but there he was. His son stood before him in the real flesh and blood.

He'd imagined his reunion with his son countless times; it had been one of the thoughts keeping him sane throughout the entire , he could not help but think that Caleb must have been pretty naive to think he could just walk into the Underwater Mines and rescue him without attracting attention.

"It's hopeless," he warned his son, and then, on seeing a guard approach, pretended to be angry with the disturbance. The guard, however, grabbed Caleb's arm, and tore off his disguise.

Julian's heart sank.  _They had been counting on Caleb to come_.

Caleb was cornered on every side. There was no hope for escape; he would be imprisoned.

 _Forgive me, my dearest, for I could not protect him in the end_.

What happened next amazed him; Caleb truly surpassed his expectations when he took down all of the guards who surrounded him effortlessly. Julian felt a surge of pride for his son, who broke his shackles immediately, and then had a moment of panic as even more guards appeared.

It was then that all hell broke loose, and the other five miners that Caleb had been walking with revealed that they hadn't been miners at all; they had been Guardians. The five girls were the new Guardians of the Infinite Dimensions (although they really only considered themselves as Guardians of the Veil, as he was later to discover), and were the rebels' newest allies against Phobos.

Suffice to say, despite the flooding of the Underwater Mines, most of the prisoners escaped safely, thanks to his son and the Guardians.

* * *

The boy – for he could not think of his son as a man just yet – was a stranger to him, and yet not a stranger either. He was astounded that Caleb had been considered leader of the rebels for quite some time now. He was still so young, not even eighteen yet, and yet he was making decisions that could possibly affect the rest of Meridian.

A part of him swelled with pride, but another part of him regretted not having been there for his son. He had missed so many things in his son's life, including the part where Caleb developed battle strategies with the five Guardians and the current leaders of the rebels, which included Aldarn, his best friend who was also not yet fully adult. Then again, perhaps the oft-quoted saying was true:  _war is a glorious thing that makes men out of boys_. He was, however, too old and too well-versed in the ways of the world to believe that war was a wonderful thing. How could anything that caused so much pain and misery on both sides of the battlefield ever be considered wonderful? He was sick of it all. Caleb noticed this, although Julian knew Caleb could not discern the true reason why he declined to advice on matters relating to the upcoming battles, claiming that having been imprisoned for so long, he would not know the first thing about battle tactics any longer, and would be happy enough to take charge of the training.

Although perhaps he was still in time to see his son trying to navigate through romance with one of the Guardians. The Guardian of Earth was very pretty, even if Julian thought she was very young. Still, the way Caleb looked at her... it was plain to everyone how  _he_ felt.

He would acknowledge one thing though: she was very serious, especially in regards to her loved ones; even if she did have a tendency to be very materialistic. He wondered how she would take the news that Caleb would forever give his life to Meridian first, and that everything else would have to come second; he doubted she would take the news well. Julian could already tell that Caleb was just like him, and would lay down his life for Meridian, which was unfortunate for any woman who loved him.

He ignored the part of him that whispered how unfortunate it had been for the Mage as well.

The rebel forces were doing their best, waiting for the perfect time to strike. Somewhere, deep inside him, Julian knew that this was the final stretch before Phobos would be overturned and his naive (he did not want to use the word foolish) but well-meaning sister, who – ironically – had been finally discovered living on Earth and was the Earth Guardian's best friend until fairly recently, when Phobos began poisoning her mind against her friends.

* * *

When the rebels found out that Phobos' minions had found out about the Infinite City, everyone was dismayed. Of course, at least they were aware that Phobos knew, but this had understandably thrown a wrench into their plans.

The leaders agonized over how to proceed from here. Aldarn, who was little older than Caleb, was conflicted (Julian secretly was glad – not for the first time – that Caleb had won the challenge for the rebel leader's position and thus retained his rank as the rebel leader).

Aldarn tried not to look desperate as he asked Julian what Caleb would do, but Julian had seen desperation in the faces of many men and could easily recognize it in the poor boy's face. This one time, he would answer and counsel them. Julian knew Caleb would fight for a free and peaceful Meridian... and die for it, if need be.

He raised his sword in answer.

* * *

The battle was a decisive victory for Phobos' side. Again, countless number of rebels were taken, and Julian was one of them.

He simply was not as strong as he used to be.

This time, it was not long before Caleb and the five Guardians rescued them, and new plans were made.

* * *

They were supposed to have more time to properly plan and execute the attack against Phobos, but while they were still discussing the best mode of attack, a stray portal opened, and Caleb suddenly appeared with the five Guardians, who transformed in front of them.

Julian could not help but think of how young they were, although then he was reminded of the first time he had seen the Guardians. He had been a child then, too young to do anything; they were children now, and the fate of the world rested on their shoulders.

Caleb ran over to them and addressed them, before exclaiming: "We have to move up the attack!"

His statement confused all of them. "To when?" Aldarn asked the question they were all thinking.

"To now!"

Apparently, the Earth Guardian – Cornelia, her name was – had a strong feeling that the young Princess Elyon was in danger. What else was new to them? The young princess had been in danger ever since her brother found her, but Caleb would have it – or rather, Cornelia, for she had convinced him of it – that if they did not do something  _now_ , Meridian would be lost forever.

"Caleb, are you sure your feelings for the Guardian girl haven't –?" Vathek began to question, but when Caleb shot him a dirty look, he shut up immediately. Julian hid a smile; he was glad he had not said anything that could rock Caleb's blossoming romance with the Guardian of Earth.

The smile was harder to hide when he noticed how Cornelia's eyes lit up and she gave the leader of the Guardians a triumphant smile, and the leader of the Guardians smiled knowingly back. Caleb would have nothing to worry about; Cornelia felt the same way.

_So now, it all ends._

* * *

Julian should never have doubted that Meridian would be free once again. The last battle was a decisive victory for Princess Elyon and the Rebels. All was well. He was reunited with his son, Meridian was free.

He looked at Caleb with great pride. His son had grown up to be a fine young man, worthy of respect and admiration, with upstanding morals. He would enjoy reacquainting himself with his son, now that Meridian was finally at peace once more.

His only regret was that the Mage would not be there to see their son. He felt that perhaps, if Caleb broached the subject with him, the pain of speaking about his wife would not be felt quite so acutely. Perhaps he could even feel joy while sharing his memories of her.

Although he might have to wait until after the celebrations to do so; Caleb seemed pretty preoccupied dancing with the Earth Guardian.

* * *

That first night of celebrations, Caleb seemed ecstatic, but after that, he became broody and sulky, much like normal teenagers often were, Julian supposed.

He also supposed that it had something to do with the Earth Guardian. Perhaps they had already had the talk; the one where Caleb would put his duty to Meridian above all else, even her.

Julian did not have to hear what had happened, nor did he have to be a magical being to guess what had happened between the two. The Earth Guardian wanted to know she was the most important person in his life (probably because he would become the most important thing in hers if they began a relationship), but poor, hapless,  _clueless_  Caleb did not realize that she was looking for reassurance more than her forcing him to choose between her and Meridian (and, by default, the new Queen). Caleb did not realize that she saw it that way; that by staying in Meridian, he ranked Queen Elyon as more important than her in his life.

What Caleb ought to have done – not that Julian would ever tell him – was this: he ought to realized that Cornelia only wanted to know that when everything was said and done, he would turn to her in the end; that she would be the one he looked for, when the hurly-burly's done, when the battle's lost and won. He ought to have reassured her that it was her that he loved, and not anyone else. That he would not stay away from her because he wanted to, but because duty called and he was an honourable man who always completed his duties; and the second he was granted a reprieve, he would spend his every waking moment with her.

A memory presented itself to him, unbidden:

_He shook his head. "I don't want to rule Meridian, I want it to be free." He reached for the door._

_"Please, Julian, if you go we many never see each other, not for a long time at least!"_

Indeed, experience had been a painful teacher.

* * *

Julian decided to retire from being a soldier. He had been a soldier for nearly the entirety of his adult life; perhaps it was time for a change. He decided to assist the reconstruction of Meridian, although he assured his son that he would always be willing to defend Meridian should his services be required.

That probably was not the best choice of words to use, especially after he heard that there was a new threat; an 'old hag' (the Guardian of Air's choice of words, not his), who seemed determined to take over all the different Dimensions was trying to take down the Guardians and the newly re-elected council of Kandrakar.

Caleb had told him all about the council of Kandrakar; he had the privilege of meeting them with the five Guardians and Queen Elyon. There was the Oracle, who was a man called Himerish (it turned out that 'Oracle' was only a title); Luba, the keeper of the Aurameres; Yan Lin and Halinor, the former Guardians of Air and Fire, respectively; Tibor, who had been a long-time advisor to the Oracle; and the Mage.

"The Mage?" Julian tried to prevent the color draining from his face. "Is she a new one with the same name, or has she been alive this entire time?"

Caleb looked curiously at his father. "I thought the Mage was this really old lady who went into hiding when Phobos came into power. Phobos would have tried to kill and dispose of her if he knew she lived still. She guards his prison cell now."

"So she has been in hiding for all of these years?"

Caleb nodded. "Well, to be fair, she did her best to help us. Whenever we needed help in figuring something out, and Yan Lin couldn't help, she always gave us the answers and pointed us in the right direction."

It was on the tip of Julian's tongue to tell him about the Mage. It was so simple.  _Caleb, she's your mother, and once upon a time, we were lovers_. (Perhaps he could change the wording so that Caleb would not be too uncomfortable with the statement.) Yet something prevented him from telling Caleb that. What if the Mage had lost her memories? What if the Mage did not want to acknowledge Caleb as her son? What if she did not want to acknowledge Megenzjan Falls, and the fact that once upon a time, they had been in love?

He held his tongue, but he could barely hear what Caleb was saying. "She hugged him, and he said, 'Dee-At, somewhat more affectionate than I recall.' Do you think that's her real name? What do you suppose it means? But anyway, they told us all really important stuff about the Guardians; dad, did you know...?"

Julian tried to pay attention, he really did, but he needed some time to himself to think as well.

* * *

It was during the ceremony where Queen Elyon would bestow the Medal of Meridian to himself, Caleb, Aldarn and Drake, that he saw the Mage for the first time in well over fifteen years. He hardly knew what to say to her. He did not know whether he should approach her in public. Few people had met his wife, and no one had known that she had been the Mage.

He stood by, observing Caleb as he was surrounded by Drake and the Guardians (although the Guardian of Earth stood a distance away; the young girl could really hold a grudge, and Julian wished that she could see the bigger picture), when all of a sudden, the Mage appeared next to him.

Looking at her, he could tell now that they had both aged many years, literally as well as figuratively, since they had last parted ways. His heart beat in his chest as she stood nearby. She looked very different from when she was young, pale to the point of almost being corpse-like, her face painted, and her beautiful platinum-blonde locks sheared off (he remembered how he used to love stroking it as they lay together, side by side). He could still recognize her eyes, though, although now they seemed to take on an almost fluorescent glow.

"You must be very proud, Julian."

He did not know what he expected. They were too old for melodramatic declarations of love – he would leave all of that to Caleb – but he did wish that she would remember how, once upon a time, they used to live. How, once upon a time, they used to love...

"I am," he replied, gazing at his son, before turning to her and giving her his undivided attention. "Caleb has grown into a fine young man."

"He has a fine father."

"And a fine mother as well."

They smiled at each other, but their smiles were bittersweet. Their moment had passed, and Julian realized that perhaps he could never recapture the essence and madness of their love when it had first bloomed. The memory of Caleb, of her and their love had kept him alive all these years; perhaps it was an image of her that he loved and idolized, through all the pain and suffering and battles fought, but he was too old for the insanity of infatuation (his age was becoming his standard excuse for everything).

However, he still could not deny that he still loved her. It may not have been as acute, or as violent, as it had been when it first struck him, but it still existed within him. It was no longer a raging sea, with thunderstorms and lightning, but instead was the calm sea after the storm, with hidden depths underneath a tranquil surface. It was engrained into the very spirit of his being, now.

Caleb walked after Cornelia, and the other Guardians moved further away from the spot he was standing at with the Mage. There was now hardly anyone near them or observing them, and so he broke the silence between them. "You did not tell Caleb."

She shook his head. "I would not have been able to protect him, even with all my powers, and I knew that he was meant for a greater destiny than the one he would have had if I took him. He played an essential part in the Rebellion forces against Prince Phobos, which would not have happened if I smothered him. By the time he found me, it was too late to tell him; he would have felt abandoned as a child, and that could have affected the Rebellion forces. Better to pretend his mother disappeared, assumed dead at that point." He felt a hand take his, and looked down to see their fingers entwined together. "There will come a time to reveal everything, Julian, but now is not it."

He could not say anything for a full minute, but when he regained his voice, it still came out as a whisper. "I had always loved you, Reese. You have always been at the center of my thoughts."  _I wish you had tried to let me know that you were safe_ , were the words he left unsaid.

The Mage, tall and stately, remained silent and turned around. He did not think she would reply, but she surprised him when she whispered back softly, "I still love you, Julian. Not a moment went by that I did not think of you or Caleb, but it had been for the greater good that I stayed away. Perhaps now, a new order can come to Meridian."

 _A new order?_  He held back from snorting. Peace did not seem likely any time soon, not if what Caleb said was to be believed. Someone was trying to disrupt Queen Elyon's reign, and by the looks of it, the Guardians were fighting an enemy that they didn't know and couldn't see either. Julian was also getting tired of 'the greater good'. This admission shocked him, for he used to be a fierce proponent of 'the greater good', but lately, it was one of the most terrible things for him to hear.

"Believe me, Julian. In time, all shall be revealed."

* * *

The actions of the woman confused everyone, Caleb, most of all. While she was ruthless in hurting the girls and the rest of the rebel forces, Caleb's frustration stemmed from the fact that all too often, he was caged away in a force-field, unable to do anything but watch as she brutally shot down every attempt by the girls to defeat her. Often, their battling resulted in a victory for the old woman's side, and very rarely were the girls and Caleb able to force a stalemate, much to everyone's consternation.

As the confusion over her actions grew, Julian began to find himself more often in the company of the Mage. She sat at a distance from him during these public sessions, but then again, she kept her distance from  _everyone_.

She looked troubled when Alborn and Miriadel announced Elyon's disappearance, and that a 'Trill' had never existed. Who were they dealing with here? Caleb looked determined to get to the bottom of this, and would go to Earth to seek out the Guardians of the Infinite Dimensions (a title that they had now acquired since the Veil was taken down), although Julian could not help but think that the fact that Caleb and the Earth Guardian girl were now official was a very strong incentive for going to Earth.

He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Perhaps what the Mage had told him was right.

_"In time, all shall be revealed."_

* * *

If Caleb had not become such an important figure in the Guardian girls' lives, he would not have had the opportunity to travel to Kandrakar. He would have heard the news second-hand instead of directly from Luba, the Keeper of the Aurameres herself.

" _The Mage was not the Mage at all_."

How could that be? The false Mage had known that Caleb was the Mage's son; she must have known what had transpired between them so many years ago, unless the Mage was being controlled. That raised more questions within him, and none of the answers he found were satisfactory.

"Nerissa shall not return," Caleb said, determinedly.

While Luba informed him that Nerissa would not return, since there was nothing left in Kandrakar for her to gain, Julian's mind was in a tumultuous place. So Nerissa had been posing as the Mage, in addition to Trill, and heaven only knew for how many years...

Nerissa – that name had become almost unutterable since her imprisonment, but she had escaped, had been at large, without anyone knowing for so many years. He remembered Nerissa as he had seen her in his youth, before her imprisonment at Mount Thanos on Earth. Back then she had been a volatile woman, despite her attempts to portray the facade of a calm and collected leader. She was the kind of woman who had always let her power rule her, rather than the other way around. She was tempestuous and full of emotions, where... where... (and he could barely bring himself to complete the sentence) the Mage had been aloof and detached from everyone, even those who she had been close to.

A shudder of fear crept over his back, but now he was beginning to fear the answers, more than the questions themselves. He could not bring himself to face the truth, which was the unalienable fact that perhaps his life with the Mage, as he had known it, had been nothing more than a beautiful lie.

* * *

When they got back to Meridian, Julian had a strong feeling that the Mage – or Nerissa, or whoever really was posing as the Mage – would return to the prisons. After all, now that her cover had been blown (and she would have been dangerously clever enough to know that she had blown her cover; perhaps she had even done so eventually), she would require allies, and who better to ally with against Meridian than its enemies? Julian told Caleb this, and Caleb rounded up guards to secure the prisons.

They were too late, or were they? The Mage – who suddenly morphed into Nerissa before their eyes – stood before them, her back turned towards them, as she gloated in front of the imprisoned Knights of Vengeance, but it did not seem as though she had released anyone yet. Raythor, one of the leaders of the Knights of Vengeance, was – in particular – furious with her, and threatened to call the guards on to her presence.

"The guards already know," Julian said. He had liked to imagine that his voice was calm and determined at that moment, when really, he was seething with rage and confusion on the inside.

"Take her," Caleb ordered.

With the guards, they (barring the foul-smelling Passling) approached her, only to find themselves suspended in mid-air as she used the powers she stole from the Heart of Meridian, and summoned her element, Quintessence to trap them and prevent them from closing in on her.

Furious, Julian could no longer maintain his calm facade. "What have you done with the real Mage?"

It was too late that he realized that she had planned all of this. Although he had been right that she would come down to the prisons, he was wrong about her motives. She had not come down to the prisons to free the Knights of Vengeance; she had come down to the dungeons because she knew that the prisons would have been the first place they looked for her. Again, she had been able to outmanoeuvre them. He remembered the words the Mage had uttered... or rather, the words  _she_  had uttered, disguised as the Mage.

_"In time, all shall be revealed."_

That had been her plan all along. She would tell them what exactly happened to the Mage and how she escaped, but she would taunt them – taunt  _him_  – before she revealed everything. "I've been the only Mage for years."

Julian knew the truth now; the pieces of the puzzle had all fallen into place. Yet a small part of him must have been a masochist, as he forced himself to ask the painful questions to which there could only be painful answers. "How many years?" He demanded, and ignore the strange look his son –  _their son?_  – cast at him in confusion.

She gave him a sardonic smile, like the cat that had got the cream. He was playing exactly as she had predicted. "Change your tone, Julian," she said, in a silky voice. "The Mage was my dear friend. Took me in after a stray portal freed me from my cell in Mount Thanos."

"Why would the Mage help you?" Caleb demanded. Nerissa did not berate him for his tone, however, perhaps because she knew something that Caleb had never known, like the true identity of his mother.

"She wanted to  _save_  me; wanted me to see  _the bigger picture_ ," she said, sarcasm laced in her words. The sardonic smile, however, never left her face. "Which I  _did_ , to her regret."

"Your bigger picture is the dream of every petty tyrant," Caleb responded defiantly. "Phobos was no different. We beat him, we'll beat you too."

She merely laughed in response, and Julian just knew that Caleb had provided her the opening she had been planning for her ultimate reveal. "You would  _never_  have defeated Phobos without me. Wouldn't you agree,  _Julian_?"

Caleb drew back, surprised, and Julian felt he could not hate anyone as much as he hated Nerissa and himself at this moment. She did not pause for them to let the impression of her words sink in, but merely continued, "Or perhaps you require  _proof_?" Her tone turned malevolent at the last part, but regained its silky quality soon enough. "Remember  _Megenzjan Falls_?" Her smile turned malicious, as if she were mocking the memory. He knew she meant it as a rhetorical question, but he looked up and met her gaze, unable to look away. What was the point of lying? She was pleased, interpreting his response as a public answer in the affirmative, and smiled even wider, if that was possible. "Good, then remember this also:  _numbers don't lie_."

With that cryptic statement, she disappeared, and they fell back onto the platform, unharmed, even if they were a bit shaken.

Caleb looked at him, but Julian avoided his gaze.

* * *

He made his way out of the Palace immediately, hoping to avoid his son and the incessant questions he knew Caleb would have at that point. When he reached the waters of Megenzjan Falls, he thought he was in the clear.

He was wrong, of course. In addition to the fact that Caleb was now a far better fighter than he had been when he was younger, he had also grown sneakier as well. Or perhaps Julian was just too distracted by the revelations he had received, but who could blame him, really?

"Dad, what are you searching for? Is the real Mage a prisoner at Megenzjan Falls?"

Julian ignored Caleb's questions as he searched for the spot where he had first seen the Mage when he had been in the search party to rescue her, all those years ago. "There," he muttered to himself as his eyes located it from above, and dove down the waterfall, before surfacing and swimming to the other side. He was mildly aware that Caleb was following him, now that Caleb had revealed his presence.

He walked towards where the clearing had been. He had not returned to that particular spot for many years. In between the years that had passed, the clearing had become colonized by the surrounding plants and was now covered with thick, sprawling shrubs and other flora. On the ground however, was something he had never seen before in his life; a tombstone. He knelt down and cleared the plants away from the surface of the tombstone (which Nerissa had undoubtedly constructed for her former friend), and felt ill as he saw what was inscribed there. The tombstone was clearly meant for the Mage, and it described many things about the real Mage's life; including how she had been called Dee-At, not Reese, as he had called  _his_ Mage ( _Reese... Nerissa, it all made sense now_ ), and that she had been dead for the past eighteen years.

The real Mage had been dead while an imposter impersonated her, stole her identity, and then stole his heart as well, seventeen years ago. Bearing in mind that it had been  _Nerissa_  who had reminded him of Megenzjan Falls, this was just a confirmation of everything he had known deep inside but was just unwilling to admit.

"Enough!" Caleb's voice was enough to break his reverie. "What is going on?"

"The Mage," was all Julian could say in response.

"You mean, she's...  _there_?" It seemed to hit Caleb then and there that the Mage who had helped liberate Meridian from Phobos had never had the best of intentions for Meridian. "For how long?"

"Eighteen years." He stood up and paused a moment, hesitating whether now was really the time to reveal everything, but decided to do so. "But it was seventeen years ago that we fell in love, and had a child."

Caleb's expression was incredulous. "Wait," he said, gesturing to the tombstone. "You're saying that the  _Mage_  was my  _mother_?"

"No, Caleb. Numbers don't lie, and neither did Nerissa. We'd have never defeated Phobos without her." He look straight into his son's eyes ( _no wonder Caleb's eyes did not look like the Mage's; they were Nerissa's,_ herealized, belatedly). "She, and I, gave nothing less to the Rebellion than the rebel leader himself." He looked away, unable to face his son. "Nerissa is your mother, Caleb."

* * *

He did not know quite what happened next, but the Passling – Blunk – had grabbed his arm and transported the both of them to the middle of a concert on Earth, where the Guardians were. Blunk then informed the Guardians (and himself) that Nerissa had captured Caleb. Blunk also let slip the fact that Nerissa was Caleb's mother to the Guardians. How did Blunk find out? Blunk had used the Tooth of Tonga to transport Caleb to Mount Thanos, presumably because Caleb wanted to contemplate what Nerissa being his mother had meant, and perhaps to confront her. Julian wondered whether he had perhaps been wrong when he thought Caleb had forgotten about his mother completely. Perhaps Caleb remembered how loving his mother had been, and that memory was now forcing him to come to terms with the fact that the mother who had so adored him when he was a child could also be capable of such destruction.

Of course, Nerissa had been waiting there atop Mount Thanos with her Knights of Destruction for him, and Caleb – who had claimed with great bravado that he knew he would have found her at Mount Thanos – had become her prisoner. During this time, Blunk hid in the shadows, and was shocked to overhear how Nerissa addressed him as her  _son_.

Julian could only be grateful that the Earth Guardian was too fixated on Caleb, and the fact that the other Guardians were too focussed on helping her as well as rescuing Caleb and defeating Nerissa to dwell on the implications of that fact.

They found themselves on Mount Thanos, but they ought to have realized the Knights of Destruction would try to stop them. Julian stuck with Cornelia, his son's paramour, and soon enough found Nerissa trying to kill Caleb. She was furious, and from what he could gather, it was because Caleb refused to join her and accept her vision for Meridian.

"Then I will  _destroy_ you!" He arrived, in the nick of time, to listen to Nerissa cry angrily as she raised her arm to strike Caleb with her element. She was infuriated, he could tell from the tone of her voice, but more than that, she was distraught, though he doubted that no one else would have been able to discern that in her voice.

"No, you won't," he emerged from the shadows. At his voice, Nerissa turned around, staring at him in surprise. She had not been expecting him. The air around them crackled with power and energy, but Julian was not afraid; he knew now, deep inside him, that Nerissa would never hurt him or Caleb. No matter how much of a megalomaniac she was, she would not bring herself to hurt those she loved. He had not known Nerissa as Nerissa – he had known her only in her disguise as the Mage – but if what he had heard about her from the former Guardians were true, she was not only emotionally volatile, but even her love was violent; before her heel-face-turn, she would have died before she hurt her loved ones. It all changed with Cassidy's death; killing Cassidy changed a part of her forever. She could not forgive herself, but she was proud as well, and could never face up to the mistakes she had made. Killing Cassidy changed her perspectives; while before, her loved ones could have possibly persuaded her, diverted her attention away from the plans she drew up as her megalomania began to consume her, by killing Cassidy, she had also sealed a part within her that was open to reason, and was now entirely focussed on her mad plan of revenge and complete domination.

The only way to stop her from killing Caleb would be to search deep within her for the goodness that she once had; that part within her that she had shown him those many years ago, that she was capable of love and kindness. It was – in retrospect – almost foolish and naive for him to do so, but he had to try. If anything, by forcing her to remember the time they had spent together, he would be able to delay her until the Guardians returned and were able to stop her.

"You won't kill our child Nerissa. If our love could have created this magnificent son, there must have been some good within you," he said calmly, as he walked towards where Caleb was standing pressed against the rocks with no means of escape from what would have been Nerissa's fatal blow. He could see Caleb looking at him in askance, wondering what he could be up to.

Surprisingly, Nerissa lowered her arm which held the Heart of Meridian. "Then just this once, I will let you both go," she said. Her voice, when she spoke, had lost all of its fury, and now she seemed only weary and resigned. Caleb's eyes widened in surprise, but to his credit, he managed to recover and conceal his emotions passably enough.

Nerissa was not finished, though. "But cross me again, and there will be no mercy, no escape."

"Gee,  _mom_ ," Caleb laced the last word with heavy sarcasm. "Most kids just get grounded."

She said nothing in response, but just looked at them dispassionately, before disappearing, along with Knights of Destruction.

Father and son were stunned by this turn of events, but looked at each other and hugged. When Caleb drew away, however, his expression was plain to read. Confusion, anger, sadness were all written in his face. Julian knew he would require some time to think, and that was why he did not say anything as Caleb walked on ahead without him.

As Caleb exited the caverns of Mount Thanos, Julian saw the Earth Guardian run towards Caleb and call his name, adoration and concern plainly evident on her face. She embraced him, only for Caleb to disentangle himself from her and, in a cold voice, say, "I need to get back to Meridian...  _now_ ," before walking away from her.

Julian recognized the look of hurt that passed over her face. "He just needs time," he told the poor girl, whose eyes never left Caleb's retreating back, as she stood silently, rooted to the spot, one hand clasped to her chest.

* * *

The plan was to use Phobos to trap Nerissa in the Heart of Meridian. At this point, Phobos was the lesser of the two evils, and Nerissa was beyond redemption. Both he and Caleb knew it.

The frustrating thing for him was that even despite her action, he could not feel hatred for her, not even a little. Despite everything she had done, a small part of him – violently and against his will – loved her.

The plan for the Guardians and Phobos to form an alliance against Nerissa worked, until he betrayed them. To their surprise, the Guardians had been counting on it, until Cedric – who had been plotting against Phobos – swallowed him alive.

* * *

In the end, the Guardians prevailed, defeating Cedric, thanks to Nerissa's suggestion that they transform into their Zenith forms. As always, however, Nerissa was trying to further her own agenda. Although she had been forced to play nice while trapped in the Heart of Meridian, she still tried to manipulate everyone so that her vision could come true: herself, as ruler of the Infinite Dimensions, with himself and Caleb by her side. Her megalomania was her downfall, and she was trapped within the Heart of Meridian, with her fantasies of how she would rule the Infinite Dimensions, whilst everyone else was freed from the Heart.

Perhaps now, Julian thought, everything would be all right. Time would heal all wounds. That dull ache deep within him that had been present ever since he had fallen in love with the Mage ( _with Nerissa,_  he corrected himself) would perhaps go away.

This time, when Queen Elyon unclasped the green jewelled necklace, for the second time, it was given willingly, but not in anger like the first time she had given it away to Nerissa. This time, she placed it in his open palm, and closed his fingers around it, with a soft and kind gaze at him. It was a bittersweet moment for him, to know that he was worthy enough to be tasked with the duty of guarding the woman he loved, knowing that he could never let her go free.

* * *

 _I hold it true, whate'er befall;  
I feel it when I sorrow most;  
'Tis better to have loved and lost  
Than never to have loved at all.  
_\- Alfred, Lord Tennyson,  _In Memoriam A.H.H._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a reference to Shakespeare's play, Macbeth here, in the lines: When the hurly-burly's done, When the battle's lost and won. I'm sorry, I could not resist. Also, Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice, despite its anti-Semitism, as some wonderful quotes. It's still horribly anti-Semitic though.
> 
> I do not own the quote: war is a glorious thing that makes men out of boys, I remember reading it somewhere in reference to WWII, but unfortunately I cannot remember/find the original speaker for it. Alfred, Lord Tennyson's beautiful poem, In Memoriam A.H.H, is also referenced to here.
> 
> A lot of this chapter makes references to Season 1 and Season 2: in particular Season 1 episodes The Underwater Mines, Caleb's Challenge, The Battle of Meridian Plains, The Rebel Rescue and The Final Battle; and Season 2 episodes F is for Facades, K is for Knowledge, N is for Narcissist, O is for Obedience and Z is for Zenith. It's basically a rewrite of the episodes involving Nerissa from Julian's POV, which is why there are so many quotes from the episodes.


	5. Epilogue

_I saw pale kings and princes too,  
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;  
They cried—'La Belle Dame sans Merci  
Hath thee in thrall!'  
_\- John Keats,  _La Belle Dame sans Merci_

* * *

He sometimes wondered what Nerissa had aimed to do.

Had it all been a lie? No, it could not have been; at least not on his side. Although there had been times when he felt as if a spell had been cast over him, he knew deep inside that what he had felt for her was true. He was less sure how she had felt throughout it all, but a small voice within him told him that she did – at one point – feel the same way.

Them falling in love could not have been part of her plan, he thought. What purpose would that have served her? She claimed that their love, Caleb's birth, everything between them had been an intricate plan to propel herself into a position of ultimate power, but quite honestly, she did not need them for that. While one could argue that Prince Phobos was quite obviously headed for tyranny, there was no way she could have guessed that Caleb would have become the Rebel Leader. Even with precognition (which he was sure she did not have), she could not have foretold that everything up to her downfall would come to pass.

Once upon a time, when she was Nerissa, she had been good. Once upon a time, even after she became the Mage ( _his Reese_ , a part of him – which he still tried in vain to suppress – whispered), she had been good. She did not have to give birth to his child and risk her life in the process, even if she had loved him for her own selfish reasons, if she had been truly bad. She would not have planned for Caleb to become the magnificent young man he was, if she had been truly bad.

He looked over the waters at Megenzjan Falls, and remembered a time when he had not yet truly realized what a great and terrible thing love was. He did not know then that falling in love could grant such great, exquisite happiness, nor that it could also lead to such terrible, bitter pain. Caleb touched his shoulder. His son –  _their son_  – had grown up to be a fine, magnificent young man. Nerissa could not help loving him, both of them, really, when everything was said and done, even if they ended up fighting on opposite sides. He clasped the green jewelled necklace in the palm of one of his hands, and let the remembrance of a memory waft over him.

That night, the moon had been full and bright, the waters shimmered, and there had been two younger people standing by its banks, each one clasping the other's hand. Sometimes, when he imagined it, the woman had platinum blonde hair and pale jadeite eyes, but other times, more often than not, his memory would replace her with a woman with lustrous black hair and darker, forest green eyes which were identical to his son's:

_"...One day, perhaps, we can return here and pretend."_

_She quickly kissed him again. "Do you really promise?"_

_"I do."_

_"So we'll come back tomorrow then, and pretend some more."_

* * *

_A damsel with a dulcimer  
In a vision once I saw:  
It was an Abyssinian maid,  
And on her dulcimer she played,  
Singing of Mount Abora.  
Could I revive within me  
Her symphony and song,  
To such a deep delight 'twould win me,  
That with music loud and long,  
I would build that dome in air,  
That sunny dome! those caves of ice!  
_\- Samuel Taylor Coleridge,  _Kubla Khan_


End file.
